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Harnessing Positive Self-Talk to Manage ADHD

Understanding the Power of Your Inner Voice

Have you ever noticed how your inner voice can sometimes be your harshest critic, especially when managing symptoms of ADHD? This internal dialogue can profoundly influence our thoughts, emotions, and behaviors. But what if we could transform this inner voice into our greatest ally? Negative self-talk can reinforce the stigma around ADHD, making it harder to seek help or feel understood. It can distort how we perceive our capabilities, locking us into a cycle of self-doubt and frustration. By reprogramming our internal conversations, we can shift from self-criticism to self-support, opening new pathways for personal growth and effectiveness.

The Journey of an ADHDer Through Positive Self-Talk

Imagine an individual with ADHD who found themselves frequently misunderstood and criticized from a young age. The constant feedback of “you’re wrong” or “just focus” had embedded a narrative of inadequacy in their mind. This narrative followed them through their early school years into adulthood, shaping a pervasive sense of personal failure.

The Turning Point: Starting ADHD Coaching

The turning point came when this person started receiving coaching specifically tailored for individuals with ADHD. Their coach introduced them to structured methods of managing their day-to-day tasks, which was crucial. More importantly, the coach emphasized the power of self-talk. They learned to recognize how their internal narrative shaped their reality and were taught techniques to transform this narrative from critical to supportive.

Implementing Change: Adopting Positive Affirmations

With coaching guidance, they began to adopt positive affirmations. Each session, they would discuss the challenges of the week, and for every negative experience, the coach helped them reframe it into a learning opportunity. They practiced phrases like “I am learning,” “I am improving,” and “I am resilient.” Slowly, these affirmations became part of their self-talk repertoire, replacing the older, critical voice.

Deepening the Transformation Through Self-Reflection

As their mindset began to shift, they also engaged in reflective practices recommended by their coach. They kept a journal where they wrote down their daily affirmations and reflected on their feelings and reactions to different situations. This practice helped deepen their understanding of how their thoughts influenced their emotions and behaviors, leading to more conscious and positive self-engagement.

The Broader Impact: Confidence and New Challenges

This shift in self-talk had a profound impact on their life. With a newfound belief in their capabilities, they started to embrace opportunities that they had previously avoided due to fear of failure. They began to volunteer for challenging projects at work, joined a public speaking club, and even started mentoring other individuals with ADHD. Each success further reinforced their positive self-perception, creating a virtuous cycle of confidence and achievement.

The Science Behind Self-Talk in ADHD Management

Research shows that positive self-talk can significantly alter the neural pathways in the brain, leading to improved emotional regulation and attention management—key challenges for those with ADHD. The transformation witnessed in the individual I know is a testament to the power of changing one’s internal dialogue, a finding supported by extensive clinical research. Neuroscientific studies have shown that consistent positive self-talk can enhance the brain’s executive functions, crucial for managing ADHD symptoms such as impulsivity and inattention.

Practical Tips for Positive Self-Talk

To start transforming your self-talk:

  1. Awareness: Recognize and document negative self-talk patterns.
  2. Intentional Change: Replace negative thoughts with tailored positive affirmations.
  3. Consistency: Make it a daily practice, embedding these affirmations into your routine to solidify the change.
  4. Seek Feedback: Share your goals with friends or mentors who can provide supportive feedback and help you notice improvements.
  5. Celebrate Progress: Recognize and celebrate every small victory along the way. This not only reinforces positive behavior but also boosts your morale.

Leveraging Self-Talk for Enhanced ADHD Management

Positive self-talk can be a game-changer for those managing ADHD. It not only helps in mitigating the emotional impacts but also empowers individuals to take control of their life narrative, transforming perceived limitations into platforms for success. By adopting a more supportive internal dialogue, individuals with ADHD can reduce their stress levels and improve their ability to concentrate, ultimately enhancing their quality of life.

Conclusion: Empower Yourself Through Words

Your internal dialogue shapes much more than just momentary moods—it influences your entire approach to life. By fostering a positive narrative, especially when dealing with ADHD, you create a more supportive mental environment for managing daily challenges and achieving personal growth. The journey of transforming self-talk is ongoing and requires dedication, but the benefits it brings are profound and lasting. I will leave you with a quote from Bruce Lee: “Don’t speak negatively about yourself, even as a joke. Your body doesn’t know the difference. Words are energy and cast spells, that’s why it’s called spelling. Change the way you speak about yourself and you can change your life. What you’re not changing, you’re also choosing.”

Breaking the Chains of Shame: A Personal Journey with ADHD

Recognizing the Roots of Shame

Let me share a recent experience that highlights the deep-seated feelings of shame that many of us with ADHD battle regularly. Today, I chose to spend quality time out, enjoying a simple day. Yet, despite the occasion, a persistent unease plagued me throughout the morning, morphing into a gnawing sensation in my stomach as I wandered through a store afterward.

“Why am I feeling this way? What’s wrong?” I questioned myself amidst my errands. This introspection revealed a familiar yet unwelcome emotion—shame, rooted deep in my childhood memories of reprimand and punishment. The thought nagged at me: “Is it selfish to take a day off? Shouldn’t I be working?” Recognizing the source of my discomfort didn’t immediately dissolve it, but it allowed me to challenge and reframe my thoughts each time they resurfaced.

Understanding ADHD and Overcoming Shame

ADHD often comes with a heavy dose of self-criticism. Many of us find ourselves ensnared in negative self-talk, feeling like perpetual underachievers or constant disappointments to others. Discussions on ADHD and self-esteem issues shed light on why feelings of inadequacy are so prevalent. More information can be found on ADDitude Magazine’s discussion on ADHD and self-esteem.

But it’s crucial to remember: Having ADHD does not reflect your worth or capabilities. It’s merely one aspect of your broader persona, not a full measure of your identity. With the right approach and tools, thriving is not just possible—it’s achievable.

Setting Goals and Celebrating Progress

Instead of dwelling on past errors or missed opportunities, focus on setting achievable goals. Whether it’s completing a daily task or reaching a small milestone, acknowledge and celebrate each success to build a positive momentum. Each step forward, no matter how small, is a victory. Discover more about goal-setting strategies for ADHD from Psychology Today’s article on goal-setting with ADHD.

Don’t Let Shame Hold You Back

It’s easy to succumb to the despair that shame and guilt can foster, but remember, you possess the strength and resilience needed to surmount these challenges. You’re not alone in this journey—many have walked this path and found ways to live fulfilling lives despite the hurdles ADHD presents.

Key Strategies to Combat ADHD-Induced Shame
  • Mindfulness and Reflection: Regularly practice mindfulness to recognize and address negative emotions. Understand the mindfulness benefits for ADHD, which include improved focus and decreased impulsivity. More details are available at Healthline’s article on mindfulness and ADHD.
  • Reframe Negative Thoughts: When negative thoughts arise, challenge them. Ask for evidence, and actively reframe your perspective to foster a healthier mindset.
  • Community and Support: Engage with others who share similar experiences. Support groups and forums can provide comfort and advice, reminding you that you’re not isolated in your struggles.

Breaking Free from Perfectionism: My ADHD Journey Towards Embracing Excellence

The Inspirational Story of “The Dot”

Once upon a time, a child named Vashti felt she couldn’t draw, but her teacher encouraged her just to make a mark and see where it takes her. This small act led to a journey of self-discovery, showcasing that it’s not about creating the perfect art piece but rather about starting and seeing where it leads. This story from “The Dot” by Peter H. Reynolds is a perfect metaphor for anyone striving to overcome the shackles of perfectionism. Here is a link to the video/story.

My Journey from Perfectionism to Embracing Excellence

As an ADHD coach, life coach, and someone who is neurodivergent, I’ve navigated my fair share of challenges. One of the most significant hurdles was overcoming perfectionism, which often clouded my ability to see and celebrate my achievements. Today, I want to share more about my personal journey with perfectionism and the liberating shift towards embracing excellence.
Growing up in two different countries presented unique challenges, especially when it came to writing. Navigating through the complexities of both English and Farsi, I struggled with grammar and spelling in both languages. This struggle was compounded by what I now recognize as undiagnosed dyslexia. While I always had a wealth of ideas swirling in my mind, the act of putting them down on paper was daunting. I would often lose track of punctuation, misspell words, or even forget key parts of a story. There were times when I meant to attach an important email, and I’d realize too late that I had forgotten.

These repeated mistakes fed into my perfectionism. I became overly critical of every word I wrote, fearing judgment and misunderstanding from others. This self-imposed pressure didn’t just affect my academic performance; it seeped into my personal life, where the fear of making mistakes made me hesitant to express my thoughts freely.

A Lesson from “The Dot”

Inspired by “The Dot” by Peter H. Reynolds, I learned a valuable lesson about creativity and growth. The story of a young girl who discovers her artistic talent by bravely making a mark on a blank page resonated deeply with me. It reminded me that sometimes, the simple act of starting—imperfectly but boldly—can lead to unexpected and beautiful journeys. Just like the girl in the story, I learned that making your mark, however imperfect, is far more valuable than waiting for the perfect moment.

Understanding Perfectionism in ADHD

The Pitfalls of Perfectionism

For those of us with ADHD, perfectionism isn’t just about being detail-oriented; it’s a burdensome quest for flawlessness that can paralyze us. This constant striving for the unreachable can rob us of the joy found in our achievements and the lessons from our failures.

Shifting to a Focus on Excellence

Excellence, unlike perfection, is attainable and sustainable. It encourages continuous improvement and growth without the unrealistic expectation of flawlessness. By aiming for excellence, we learn to appreciate our journey, acknowledging that each step forward, no matter how small, is a victory.

Strategies for Embracing Excellence

Set Realistic Expectations

Understanding that perfection is an unrealistic goal is crucial. Defining what excellence means to you in various aspects of your life can help set achievable objectives.

Learn from Mistakes

Mistakes should be seen as opportunities for growth. Each error provides valuable insights that can lead to significant improvements. Embracing these moments can transform your approach to challenges and enhance your learning. For more on learning from mistakes, check out this article.

Practice Self-Compassion

Being gentle with yourself is essential. Remember, it’s okay to have limitations. Treating yourself with kindness and understanding can significantly impact how you tackle challenges. For more on Practice Self-Compassion, check out this article.

Prioritize Progress Over Perfection

Focus on making progress, celebrating each step forward. This mindset shift is vital for long-term success and can alleviate the pressure that comes with trying to achieve perfection. My first ADHD Coach shared a memorable quote: “I’m not here to be right, I’m here to get it right.” This phrase, originally from Brené Brown, struck a chord with me, and I’ve since made it the wallpaper on my computer. It serves as a daily reminder to focus on making progress rather than striving for perfection. This mindset shift is crucial, especially for those of us managing ADHD, as it emphasizes the importance of celebrating each small victory on the path to long-term success.

Seek Support and Accountability

Building a support network of friends, family, or professionals can provide the necessary encouragement and perspective. Sharing your experiences and challenges with others who understand can be incredibly supportive.

Conclusion: Your Path to Excellence

Shifting from perfectionism to excellence isn’t just about changing how you work; it’s about changing how you view yourself and your achievements. As an ADHD and Executive Function Coach life coach, I’ve seen firsthand how embracing imperfections and focusing on continuous improvement can lead to fulfilling and successful experiences.

If you’re struggling with perfectionism and need support, remember I’m here to help you excel in the areas that matter most to you. Don’t hesitate to reach out for a journey toward excellence filled with growth, progress, and self-compassion.

In what ways might young children who experience ADHD benefit from the use of Calm Corners?

In what ways might young children who experience ADHD benefit from the use of Calm Corners?

ADHD offers a variety of difficulties for families with young children. These challenges include the need to manage impulsive behaviors and the demand to find strategies to maintain emotional regulation. When our children are experiencing high levels of anxiety, overstimulation, emotional dysregulation, Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria (RSD), etc., an area that is specifically designed for relaxation and stress reduction (calm corner), which is commonly referred to as a calming corner, can be extremely helpful.

The term “Calm Corner” refers to a space designed to promote relaxation and reduce stress or anxiety. Children can learn to manage overwhelming sensory experiences by using a calm corner. The calm corner offers a space to retreat and not be stimulated while experiencing, expressing, or recovering from their emotions. This space is furnished with a range of instruments, such as soft lighting, comfy chairs, and toys that engage the senses, offering opportunities for grounding skills.

This space offers a safe haven to refuge from chaos and overwhelming feelings. If one can concentrate on learning as needed or regulate one’s mood and emotions, it would offer the opportunity to express one’s emotions without being judged by those who may not understand.

Compared to other locations, these areas have an excellent impact on reducing hyperactivity and significantly improving concentration. Children can gain skills in appropriately managing their responses to stress within a controlled environment.

Here is a list of items you may consider adding to your calm corner:

  • Comfortable seat
  • Fidget
  • Coloring book
  • Playdough
  • Sticky Wall Balls
  • Lava lamp
  • Noise-canceling headphones
  • the child’s favorite toy

A great idea is to have your child participate in creating the calm corner. Their participation and buy-in are crucial to this success.

My ADHD Journey and Revenge Bedtime Procrastination

My ADHD Journey and Revenge Bedtime Procrastination

Recently, I had a jam-packed weekend that tested my ADHD knowledge as a coach and parent. We threw a lively family event with over 20 guests without days off. The following day was Mother’s Day, which has been especially hard since my mom passed away 7 years ago. This made the day more emotional, especially since I had to handle a difficult situation with my ADHD-afflicted six-year-old daughter.

As an ADHD dad, I forgot to prepare my wife’s Mother’s Day gift, so at the last minute, I asked my daughter to help me prepare the gift! Since we were celebrating my wife’s side of the family’s Mother’s Day at our house, the guests had started opening the gifts without my daughter being at the table! Missing her mom’s and grandmother’s gift opening caused her a major meltdown. She struggles to manage emotions at her age because her executive function skills are still maturing. She and her family felt emotionally exhausted that day. I was fatigued by the end. Even after a long weekend, I didn’t want to sleep. Commitments and heavy emotions had consumed my weekend, leaving me desperate for personal time. Normally, around 10:30, our Alexa notifies me that it’s time to go to bed. Once I heard Alexa go off, I looked at the watch and continued scrolling like nothing was going on. Around 12:30, I started to notice that I was having a hard time going to bed. I paused, pondered, and I asked myself. What am I doing?!?

Of course, I was struggling with revenge procrastination! Revenge bedtime procrastination is more than just poor sleeping habits. It’s a cry for assistance, reflecting the lack of personal time and mental breaks throughout the day or weekend. Unfortunately, this results in a vicious cycle of sleep deprivation, which affects our assistance and exacerbates ADHD symptoms!

I had to remind myself of the tools and tactics I teach as I stayed up late browsing through my phone. This personal challenge underscored the importance of practicing what we preach. To handle the situation, I used the inventive tools I recommend:

Visual and Auditory Assistant: I utilize my ALEXA to make my environment sleep-friendly. ALEXA sets a reminder every night around 10:30 pm: “Roozbeh, it’s time for bed!” It starts playing relaxing music and, lastly, dims the lights, reminding me that it is time to go to bed!

Guided Nightly Meditations: Some apps, like “Calm,” could offer a variety of guided meditations focused on themes such as releasing the day’s stress, gratitude, or preparing for sleep. These sessions can vary in length to accommodate different schedules, from quick 5-minute relaxations to deeper 30-minute sessions.

Bedtime Stories for Adults: Following the model of apps like Calm, Evening Ease can include bedtime stories designed for adult listeners. These stories, read in soothing voices, can transport the listener away from the day’s stresses and into different worlds, easing them into sleep.

This weekend showed us that while we can’t control our days, we can control our nights. These techniques helped me healthily recover my personal time, reaffirming the value of self-care, especially for those of us with ADHD who are grieving huge losses like a loved one.

No matter what, We can survive

No matter what, We can survive

Recession—what a scary word! I wonder when you hear that you become frightened, fearful, and worried; you wonder what you’re going to do and how you’re going to survive. One of our basic instincts is survival, and a part of our survival in today’s world is being able to provide for ourselves. And recession, or lack of financial security, is the main thing, right? We won’t be able to provide for ourselves the way we need to. The money that you work so hard for does not extend as far as it needs to. So the recession is real, and it can be scary. I will tell you that. However, we are in a unique position to prepare for it. So it’s important to understand what happens to you when your basic survival is in danger. So when we were, you know, cavemen and women and so on, cave people, let’s say, we needed to survive, and we needed to be able to use our resources and manage threats.

So, evolutionary speaking, we develop the ability to feel anxious, nervous, alert, hypervigilant, and ready to act when our survival is in danger, as well as remember the times when we have experienced situations where our survival is in danger. So if in our history we had drought, we would be sensitive when there wasn’t, when we’re seeing a pattern of food scarcity. So biologically speaking, evolutionarily speaking, we have already established defense mechanisms internally that we use to react to the potential danger of not being able to provide for ourselves. And we remember the times when we didn’t have what we needed, whether it was due to a lack of financial stability growing up, whether it was personal or cultural, whether it was historical, whether you grew up in an environment or in a family that struggled to provide or went through the 2008 recession, etc.

So the point is that we have this memory of what that was like. So it’s very natural for you to get that anxiety. But if you were to think of this anxiety as an alarm system, think of it as telling you something. Then you’re able to start to plan ahead and use your rational mind to make changes so that you can protect yourself. So the first and most important strategy is to acknowledge the anxiety as a defense mechanism to assure your survival, rather than a crippling symptom that gets in the way. It’s important to acknowledge the anxiety as a fear based on history, but not as a helplessness that you’re experiencing right now. If you are able to see anxiety as an alarm, then you can be queued in and start to make choices that will protect you from this possible danger, such as recession or not being able to provide for yourself. The money you make is not enough. Oftentimes, when we feel anxiety, which is an autonomic nervous system response, like I said, it’s based on history and your intuition based on your nature. We forget to pay attention to the logic, right? We feel the anxiety, we go into panic, and then we allow the emotions to take over. At that point, we can solve problems. We can come up with solutions. However, if instead we take the anxiety as an alarm, as a, you know, hey, something’s going on, we feel the fear and say to ourselves, It’s okay, I have time, I have resources, I have abilities. This is something I can now change. Then we can calm ourselves and then start to strategize on how to survive the recession that is coming.

What Is Therapy?

What is therapy?

Psychotherapy is a valuable space that provides safety, non-judgment, and trust, where individuals have the opportunity to discuss and explore what they wish. In this therapeutic relationship, we focus on improving various aspects of your life, including but not limited to, reducing stress, worry, sadness, anxiety, depression, relationship and trust issues, parenting stress, and work stress, as well as enhancing self-esteem and self-worth.

I practice psychodynamic therapy, a method that aims to help you unearth the root causes of your worries, struggles, fears, and stressors by examining past experiences and their influence on present behaviors, feelings, and relationships. This type of therapy allows us to delve deep into the underlying/root causes, bringing about long-lasting change.

It is important to understand where your issues came from and why they exist, so that we can work through them and reduce their influence on your present life. Through this deep exploration and understanding of ourselves, we can learn to manage our present feelings, behaviors, and relationships better. Psychodynamic therapy is a collaborative process that encourages clients to reflect on their inner experiences and promote self-awareness, leading to significant and positive changes in their lives.

What Is ADHD Coaching?

What is ADHD Coaching?

When we think of coaching, we often envision an athletic coach – a knowledgeable individual armed with a playbook, who knows all the game plans and directs the team on how to play. Conversely, an ADHD coach possesses the expertise and various playbooks required to assist individuals in developing a game plan that works best for them. However, an ADHD coach cannot make decisions for their clients – life decisions are left up to the individual.

Coaching is a collaborative partnership between the coach and the client, requiring a commitment from both parties. This process usually takes three to six months to build the necessary systems and unravel all the gifts and talents. During this time, clients gain a better understanding of how ADHD affects their daily personal, career, or school life. Many may have been told that they won’t achieve their goals or lead a satisfying life because of their ADHD. However, these “naysayers” fail to see the strengths and superpowers inherent in all ADHD individuals. They only focus on the negatives, seeing “bad behavior” instead of recognizing the amazing gifts and talents that ADHDers possess.

An ADHD coach assists individuals in identifying their strengths and limitations and utilizing their strengths to overcome any obstacles. They provide insight into how ADHD manifests in one’s life and help identify specific strategies that work for the individual. An ADHD coach supports clients as they develop skills, strategies, and structure for a fulfilling life, focusing on practical daily living issues such as finances, maintaining a home, nutrition, exercise, and sleep. They work with ADHDers on planning and moving forward, providing positive reinforcement and taking the time to move the individual forward at their own pace.

Ultimately, an ADHD coach helps clients uncover their strengths, gifts, talents, and skills, while holding them accountable for their day-to-day actions and empowering them to achieve their greatness.

Adhd And Shame

ADHD and Shame

Those who are coping with attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) sometimes find themselves entangled in a subtle feeling known as shame. Having experience coaching adults and teenagers with ADHD, I have seen firsthand the powerful impact that shame can have on people’s readiness to ask for help and find comfort. Even with their extraordinary skills and attributes, a large number of my clients are caught in the stifling grip of guilt. Their progress is hampered and their potential is limited by this heavy load.

But what seems to be the cause of this pervasive sense of shame, and why does ADHD seem to exacerbate its effects? Attention-Deficiency/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) goes beyond sporadic forgetfulness or short-term distractions. It is a complex interaction of neurobiological components that show up as significant problems with executive function. With ADHD, there can be constant and overwhelming daily difficulties with time management, organization, impulse control, and focus. But these obstacles are usually misinterpreted or ignored by others, which causes a deeply ingrained sense of inferiority and self-doubt to be internalized.

ADHD disappointments can come from a number of places, including social misconceptions, academic expectations, and interpersonal assessments. People with ADHD could feel always at odds with society norms and expectations in a culture that values productivity and efficiency highly. Those with endless potential, intelligence, and inventiveness could be unfairly called lazy, unmotivated, or even stupid. These outside impressions feed a negative cycle of shame that lowers self-esteem and jeopardizes general health when combined with internalized self-criticism.

The fact that mental health is generally disapproved of by society further complicates the picture. Many people with ADHD are afraid of being stigmatized, misinterpreted, or judged, thus they are reluctant to tell anyone about their illness or get help. Reluctance to get help not only maintains feelings of shame and isolation but also poses major barriers to getting the vital services and support networks that people sorely need.

Understanding how deeply shame and ADHD interact, Heal and Thrive Psychotherapy & Coaching works to give people a supportive and safe space to face and get beyond these internalized obstacles. We help our clients reclaim their personal stories, accept themselves for their strengths, and navigate life with fortitude and self-compassion by using individualized coaching, empirically supported methods, and unwavering support.

One of our clients related their personal experience of overcoming shame, emphasizing the enormous influence that compassion and validation can have on life. The people expressed gratitude to have found a coach who not only understood their struggles but also recognized and praised their unique skills and contributions.

We cordially welcome anyone who are tired of carrying the weight of shame and are driven to start a path toward empowerment and self-acceptance to take part in this project at Heal and Thrive Psychotherapy & Coaching Collectively, we will bravely, honestly, and compassionately navigate the complex terrain of ADHD. Since one’s ability to overcome obstacles with poise and tenacity determines their value rather than the obstacles they face.

This Is Hard

This Is Hard!

This is hard. Our life has forever changed. Some of us are feeling traumatized while most of us are experiencing loss. Loss of loved ones, loss of security, loss of freedom, loss of control, loss of normality, loss of productivity, loss of …. This is hard. We are in a unprecedented times. This is a global issue. We know Covid19 is possibly the start of many crisis to come. So, be kind to yourself. Recognize that you are most likely dealing with anxiety, uncertainty, fear, grief and loss, and for some, loss of loved ones and putting yourself on the life of fire against this virus everyday. So, be kind to yourself. Don’t should, could must yourself. Don’t judge yourself. You are doing the best you can. You are surviving a very difficult situation. It is normal to feel scared, discouraged, unsure, helpless and hopeless. Know that you are not alone and there is help. Focus on one moment, one minute, one day at a time. Focus on what is going right, what you have control over, what you are doing to help yourselves and others. You are productive because you are doing what you can to make it. For each of us that is something different. You are doing your best. Continue to be kind compassionate and caring to yourself and others around you. We need each other now more than ever. This is hard but can do this.

Here are some emergency numbers for your information.

24/7 hotlines

National Suicide Prevention Number- 1-800-273-8255

National Domestic Violence Hotline- 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)

National Child Abuse Hotline- 1-800-422-4453

LA County Department of Mental Health- 800-854-7771

Orange County Mental Health Services- (877) 7-CRISIS or (877) 727-4747