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What ADHD Dysregulation Really Looks Like Behind Closed Doors
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What ADHD Dysregulation Really Looks Like Behind Closed Doors

What ADHD Dysregulation Really Looks Like Behind Closed Doors

Let me start with this, and I mean really start: ADHD isn’t just about misplacing your keys for the fifth time this week, or that meeting you totally blanked on, or even your brain pinballing from one brilliant (or not-so-brilliant) idea to the next. Yes, all of that is part of the technicolor tapestry of ADHD, no doubt. But the real, gut-wrenching chaos? The stuff that truly turns your world upside down? That often happens in the quiet moments. Behind closed doors. When the mask comes off and there’s no one around to perform for. And if you’ve lived it, if you’ve felt that internal whirlwind when the world outside is still, you already know: ADHD dysregulation is a full-body, full-brain, all-consuming experience that can ripple out and affect everything – your relationships, your ability to rest, your connection with your own body, even your sex drive. It’s far more than just an attention issue; it’s a fundamental challenge with managing your internal state.

The Hidden Side of ADHD: What We Urgently Need to Talk About

You know that moment, right? You finally crawl into bed, utterly exhausted from a day of battling your own brain, and just as your head hits the pillow, your mind decides it’s the perfect time to solve complex mathematical theorems you haven’t thought about since college. Or perhaps it’s a highlight reel of every awkward thing you’ve ever said, starting from the 8th-grade dance. Or maybe, just maybe, your brain launches into designing your next three entrepreneurial ventures, complete with detailed financial projections and color-coded spreadsheets that you’ll forget by morning. (Sound familiar? Oh, I see you nodding.)

That, my friend, isn’t a sudden burst of late-night ambition or creative genius. That is a hallmark of ADHD dysregulation. It’s your brain, unable to downshift, stuck in overdrive, desperately seeking stimulation or struggling to process the day’s input.

And sometimes, the dysregulation doesn’t stop at racing thoughts. For many individuals with ADHD, this internal overstimulation can manifest in ways that are deeply unsettling and rarely discussed. We’re talking about intense, seemingly out-of-nowhere irritability – that sudden snap over something minor. Or overwhelming waves of emotion that feel disproportionate to the situation. And yes, sometimes it even shows up as unexpected or intense sexual arousal that can feel confusing, out of place, or even compulsive. I know, I know. We tend to shy away from these topics. They feel too personal, too vulnerable. But we need to bring them into the light.

Because here’s the unvarnished truth: ADHD dysregulation isn’t just a quirky inconvenience. It can be profoundly confusing, physically and mentally exhausting, and can breed a deep, gnawing sense of shame. This is especially true when it starts to impact the most intimate parts of our lives – our ability to connect with partners, to find restorative sleep, or simply to feel “normal” and at peace within our own skin during the day. The constant battle to manage these internal states can leave you feeling like you’re fundamentally flawed. (Spoiler: You’re not.)

 What It Feels Like When You’re Stuck in the Vicious Cycle

I remember a client – let’s call him Alex (name changed for privacy, of course) – who sat across from me, the exhaustion etched deep into his face. He said, his voice barely above a whisper:

“I feel like I’m losing my mind. I’m having sex with my partner sometimes twice a day, and I’m still too wired to sleep. Half the time, I don’t even really want it. I just… I can’t shut my body down. It’s like there’s a motor inside me that won’t switch off, and this is the only way I know to try and burn off the energy, but it doesn’t even work. Then I just feel guilty and more disconnected.”

That statement? It hit me hard. Because that’s not really about sex, is it? That’s about an ADHD brain, starved for dopamine, screaming for some form of relief, any kind of intense sensory input or “reward” to try and regulate the relentless rollercoaster that is an overstimulated and under-regulated nervous system. It’s a desperate attempt to find an anchor in a storm.

And there’s real science to this. ADHD brains often grapple with differences in neurotransmitter systems, particularly dopamine. Dopamine is crucial for motivation, pleasure, focus, and, importantly, emotional regulation. When we’re feeling overstimulated, stressed, or emotionally taxed, our brain can go into overdrive, hunting for dopamine in any way it can find it: endlessly scrolling through social media, picking arguments, exercising to exhaustion, developing obsessive thought patterns, or yes, even seeking intense physical intimacy. These behaviors become part of a desperate, often unconscious, cycle to self-medicate and find equilibrium.

And when your body and brain are constantly in this state of high alert, of seeking and never quite finding lasting regulation, good luck getting any meaningful, restorative sleep. It becomes a cruel Catch-22: the dysregulation ruins your sleep, and the lack of sleep turbocharges the dysregulation. It’s like being on a hamster wheel, running faster and faster but getting nowhere.

Let Me Be Brutally Honest With You (Because You Deserve It)

I’ve worked with high-achieving executives, overwhelmed students, exhausted parents, and creative professionals from all walks of life – and this pattern of ADHD dysregulation impacting sleep, mood, and even libido is far from rare. It just rarely gets the airtime it deserves because of the shame and misunderstanding surrounding it. So many people suffer in silence, thinking they’re the only ones.

It often starts with seemingly “normal” complaints that gradually escalate:

  • “I just can’t seem to fall asleep, no matter how tired I am. My mind just races.”
  • Or, “I fall asleep okay, but then I’m wide awake at 3 AM, thinking about work, or that weird dream, or why I said that thing to my boss three years ago.”
  • Or, as Alex shared, “I’m suddenly hit with this intense sexual energy that feels completely disconnected from actual desire, and then I feel guilty or empty afterwards.”
  • Or, “I feel emotionally numb or just ‘fine’ all day, trying to keep it all together, but then I completely crash or explode with intrusive thoughts and anxiety the moment I try to relax.”

If any of this resonates, please hear me: This isn’t you being broken, overly dramatic, or lacking willpower. This is what profound emotional dysregulation ADHD looks like when it’s running the show. This is your nervous system, working overtime, trying to manage an internal environment that feels constantly on the brink.

This is especially true if you find yourself:

  • Constantly suppressing how overwhelmed, anxious, or agitated you truly feel, putting on a brave face for the world.
  • Avoiding conflict at all costs by people-pleasing, staying silent when you want to speak up, or taking on too much to keep others happy.
  • Trying to stay “productive” even during your designated rest times, feeling guilty if you’re not achieving something.
  • Struggling to communicate your needs, fears, or internal state clearly and calmly with partners, family, or even roommates, leading to misunderstandings and resentment.

You’re not lazy. You’re not overly sensitive. You’re not undisciplined. Your nervous system is likely in a state of chronic hyperarousal or hypoarousal, desperately trying to find a middle ground that feels safe and stable.

What Helped “Alex” (and Others Like Him) Start to Heal and Find Solid Ground

So, let’s go back to Alex. He came to me utterly fried, a shadow of himself. He was averaging maybe three to four hours of broken sleep a night, often waking up with his mind already churning through complex algorithms or geometric proofs (he was a software developer). He was experiencing that confusing, unwanted sexual tension, and felt profoundly disconnected from his own body’s cues of hunger, tiredness, or even basic emotions. He was, in his own words, “a mess.”

He wasn’t avoiding sleep on purpose. He wasn’t trying to be disruptive in his relationship or neglect his well-being. He simply didn’t understand what was happening to him, and the shame was eating him alive.

So, we didn’t start with a rigid, overwhelming list of “shoulds.” We started with curiosity and a very simple, non-judgmental tool I call the “Sleep and Regulation Snapshot.”

Every morning, for one week, he simply texted me (or you could journal this) the answers to these questions:

  1. Bedtime & Wake-up: What time did I actually go to bed (lights out, intending to sleep)? What time did I finally get out of bed for the day?
  2. Night Wakings: How many times did I wake up during the night? (Approximately is fine).
  3. Mind on Waking: If I woke up, what was I thinking or feeling? (e.g., racing thoughts about work, anxiety, physical discomfort, needing to pee, a specific dream snippet).
  4. Sleep Quality: On a scale of 1 (awful) to 10 (amazing), how would I rate the quality of my sleep?
  5. Daytime Dysregulation Check-in: At any point yesterday or last night, did I feel particularly dysregulated, intensely irritable, suddenly sexually aroused in a way that felt disconnected, or overwhelmingly anxious/stressed? What was happening around that time?
  6. Relief Strategies: What, if anything, did I do to find relief or try to regulate myself when I felt that way? (e.g., scrolled phone, ate something, exercised, talked to someone, meditated, did nothing).

We didn’t treat it like homework or a test he could fail. It wasn’t about “fixing” anything immediately. It was about gathering data with gentle curiosity. And as I always say, curiosity changes everything. It takes the judgment out and lets the information in.

Through this simple practice, we started to uncover some key patterns for Alex:

  • Movement Matters: He consistently slept better and felt more regulated on days when he had structured physical activity, especially if it was something he enjoyed, like a long walk on the beach or a focused gym session. It wasn’t about punishing exercise; it was about purposeful movement.
  • Emotional Hangovers: His worst nights of ADHD and sleep disruption and most intense daytime dysregulation often followed unresolved emotional tension – a simmering argument with his partner that wasn’t fully addressed, internal stress from work deadlines he was avoiding, or instances where he’d “people-pleased” instead of stating his true needs.
  • Dopamine Hunger Signals: The “hyper-horniness,” as he’d called it, was often a clear signal of dopamine hunger or a need for intense sensory input to break through a state of internal numbness or overwhelm, rather than a genuine desire for intimacy at that moment.
  • The Communication Key: A lot of his internal stress, which then fueled the dysregulation, stemmed from not communicating his needs or his internal state. Just like another client I worked with, let’s call him Ben, who would go for a month without proper sleep, experiencing dizziness and even hallucinations, but wouldn’t tell his partner because he didn’t want to worry her or appear weak. This internal pressure cooker inevitably explodes. Ben realized that if he had just said, “Babe, I haven’t slept well at all, I need to rest,” it would have changed everything. Instead, his partner saw him falling asleep at work and misinterpreted it as laziness, causing more conflict and more internal stress for Ben. This highlights how crucial open communication is in ADHD relationship problems.

With this newfound awareness, we weren’t just blindly throwing solutions at the wall. We started building a personalized toolkit, a real routine that worked for him, not against his ADHD brain:

  1. Morning Movement & Light: Starting the day with some form of movement, even just 15-20 minutes, and getting some natural light exposure to help regulate his circadian rhythm.
  2. Structured Wind-Down Routine: Creating a non-negotiable evening wind-down routine at least an hour before bed. This meant no screens (phones, laptops, TV), dimming the lights, perhaps a warm bath, reading a physical book, or engaging in a calm, silly ritual that signaled to his brain it was time to prepare for sleep. Consistency was key.
  3. Proactive Communication Practice: Learning to identify and communicate his needs, feelings, and boundaries earlier in the day, before things reached a crisis point. This involved scripting difficult conversations and practicing assertive (not aggressive) communication.
  4. Reframing Internal Signals: Learning to recognize that intense internal energy (whether it manifested as anxiety, irritability, or sexual tension) was a signal from his body that something was off-balance, not a command he had to act on impulsively. We worked on pausing and asking, “What might my body really need right now? Is it rest? Connection? A creative outlet? A break from stimulation?”
  5. Mindful Decompression: Finding small, manageable ways to decompress and self-regulate throughout the day, not just waiting until he was completely overwhelmed. This could be short mindfulness exercises, listening to calming music, or taking a 5-minute break to do nothing.

And yes – we even found space for genuine rest that didn’t feel like a “waste of time” or trigger guilt. That part, for many high-achievers with ADHD, often takes the longest to cultivate, but it’s profoundly transformative.

ADHD Isn’t Just “Attention Deficit.” It’s More Accurately “Regulation Deficit.”

This is a crucial reframe. For so long, the narrative around ADHD has been solely focused on attention, hyperactivity, and impulsivity. And while those are certainly components, the deeper, more pervasive challenge often lies in self-regulation. We don’t just have trouble focusing our attention; we often have immense difficulty shifting our focus, starting tasks, stopping tasks (especially if they’re highly stimulating), calming our internal state down after being activated, and truly, deeply releasing tension and resting.

Sometimes this ADHD dysregulation looks like:

  • Exploding in anger or frustration over something seemingly minor because your internal “stress bucket” is already overflowing.
  • Being physically unable to stop scrolling on your phone, even when you know you have other things to do or you’re desperate for sleep (that’s the dopamine hunt in action!).
  • Avoiding going to bed until you’re so utterly exhausted you practically pass out, because the process of trying to fall asleep feels like torture.
  • Feeling emotionally flat, numb, or disconnected all day as a coping mechanism, only to have all those suppressed emotions come flooding back with a vengeance at night, often as anxiety or intrusive thoughts.
  • Struggling with what I call “task inertia” – finding it incredibly hard to get started on things, or equally hard to switch gears once you’re finally in the zone.

And if no one has ever explicitly taught you how to regulate your unique mind and body, if you’ve only ever been told to “try harder” or “just focus,” it can feel like there’s something fundamentally, deeply wrong with you. There isn’t. It just means you need a different set of tools, a different instruction manual, one that’s actually designed for your amazing, complex, and often misunderstood ADHD brain.

If You See Yourself in This Story – Please Know, You Are So Far From Alone

If this blog post is hitting a little too close to home, if you’re reading these words and feeling a shock of recognition, please take a deep breath. You are not the only one. You are not broken, and you are not failing.

Millions of adults with ADHD experience these hidden struggles daily. You are not the only one who:

  • Gets stuck in cycles of hyperarousal or hypoarousal when stressed or overwhelmed.
  • Has a complicated, confusing, or even shame-filled relationship with sex, intimacy, and your own libido due to ADHD dysregulation.
  • Can’t seem to “just go to sleep” like everyone else, no matter how many sheep you count or lavender pillows you buy.
  • Feels like your brain is wired for sound 24/7, with a motor that just won’t quit, even when you’re desperate for peace.

And you absolutely deserve support that goes beyond generic advice like “Try meditating more” or “Have you considered a weighted blanket?” (While those things can be helpful for some, they are rarely the whole solution for the profound dysregulation we’re talking about here).

What Real ADHD Coaching Can Do: Moving Beyond Productivity Hacks

In effective ADHD coaching for dysregulation, we don’t just focus on productivity hacks or time management tricks (though those can have their place). We focus on building a foundation of stability, self-awareness, and sustainable self-regulation. It’s about helping you:

  • Understand Your Unique Patterns: Identify your specific triggers, your early warning signs of dysregulation, and the coping mechanisms (both helpful and unhelpful) you’ve developed.
  • Rewire Your Routines: Co-create routines and structures that actually work with your ADHD brain, not against it – routines that feel supportive and energizing, not restrictive and shaming.
  • Create Internal & External Safety: Develop strategies to create a sense of safety and calm within your own mind and body, and to structure your external environment to minimize overwhelm and maximize focus.
  • Learn to Skillfully Regulate Your Mind & Body: Equip you with a toolbox of practical, evidence-informed techniques to manage emotional intensity, calm racing thoughts, improve ADHD and sleep, and navigate sensory sensitivities.
  • Communicate Your Needs Effectively: Develop your confidence and skills to articulate your needs, boundaries, and experiences clearly and assertively in all aspects of your life, including relationships and work, which is crucial for managing ADHD-related relationship issues.
  • Embrace Self-Compassion: Shift from self-criticism and shame to self-compassion and understanding, recognizing that your ADHD brain is different, not defective.

You are not meant to navigate this incredibly challenging terrain alone. Trying to white-knuckle your way through ADHD dysregulation is like trying to navigate a stormy sea in a tiny raft with no map or paddle. Coaching provides the map, the paddle, and a skilled navigator to guide you to calmer waters.

Ready to Stop Fighting and Start Regulating Your World?

If you’re tired of the exhausting highs and lows, the confusion around your energy and libido, the relentless stress cycles, and that persistent “wired-but-tired” feeling… If you’re ready to move beyond just coping and start truly thriving…

Let’s talk.

I offer personalized one-on-one ADHD coaching, supportive group programs, and free discovery calls to help you understand your ADHD, find your footing, and build a life that feels less like a battle and more like an adventure you’re equipped to navigate.

Book your free call today. Because healing and growth start with understanding, and understanding starts with honest, compassionate conversation. You’ve made it this far in this article? That tells me a significant part of you is ready for change. Let’s explore what that change could look like for you.

Therapy or ADHD Coaching: What Works Best?
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Therapy or ADHD Coaching: What Works Best?

Therapy or ADHD Coaching: What Works Best?

As an individual experiencing the nuances of ADHD, I understand the emotional and cognitive interplay involved in its management I’m one of the many who understand the deeper implications of ADHD beyond attention and productivity: emotional self-regulation, self-esteem, and relationships, too. Historically, therapy has been the preferred form of mental health care support (Bush, 2010). Currently, ADHD coaching, which supports executive functioning and behavioral challenges, has risen in popularity (Prevatt & Levrini, 2015). Recent works, such as the 2023 meta-analysis conducted by Kral et al, suggest that ADHD coaching may enhance goal-directed action and effective time management, which is a promising development. A one-size-fits-all solution scheme does not work for everyone, however. In this piece, I aim to unwind the impacts of coaching versus therapy through the collision of personal narratives and peer-reviewed literature to aid in fostering an informed decision in a personalized manner.

Understanding ADHD: More Than Just Inattention

In mainstream narratives, ADHD tends to be simplified as a problem with focusing or controlling energy. However, research ADHD is often characterized as a complex neurodevelopmental disorder due to challenges in executive functions like control of impulses, emotional regulation, planning, and working memory. These challenges do not go away with the passing years; rather, they often accompany people into adulthood, influencing relationships, education, and careers. Studies illustrate the rich diversity of symptoms within individuals, showing the deeply personal and varied nature of ADHD. More recently, some have explored the impact of ADHD on the self, drawing attention to the need for supportive approaches that address more than just the symptoms. If we start viewing ADHD as a set of problems related to executive functions challenges rather than simple distractibility, we can better adjust treatment and coaching programs designed to help individuals reach their full potential.

Therapy: Addressing the Emotional Landscape

Emotional and Psychological impact of ADHD; This is key in the treatment plan for ADHD via therapy highlighting emotional/psychological dimension. People with ADHD are more often overcome by feelings of frustration, low self-esteem, anxiety or depression that are not only from the symptoms being but from years of being “different” or misunderstood. Effective evidence-based practices, such as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) identify the client problem and try to train emotionally healthier responses. Because Therapy is a place where clients can process things, confront emotional dysregulation and bounce back. Therapy, even without a coach or medication does help with the internal competing in ways which are otherwise a barrier for success on a day-to-day basis. Therapy working together with coaching or medication can be an integral piece of an ADHD support plan.

ADHD Coaching: A Practical Approach

Services such as ADHD coaching provides a systemized structure and outcome focused approach for practical skill development not just symptom management. Rather than looking into the past, coaching seeks to get people to re-energies by establishing vision and clear-cut goals, personal plans, monitoring results. Research has revealed that coaching is effective in inducing executive functions by enabling self-awareness, improving a task-oriented completion and increasing motivation. Sessions are very individualized, harnessing daily-life tools as well a strengths based lens which the neurodiverse mind needs in order to be more engaged. I know coaching is not a medical treatment — but it provides this crucial spacing between therapy and idle life. Consider it this way: if therapy explores why the storm came, coaching helps you grab an umbrella and get moving. Or, in pop culture terms therapy is Godzilla, deep, powerful and emotional; coaching is Kong, focused, strategic, and ready to climb. And just like in the movie, sometimes the real progress comes when both teams up.

Key Differences Between Therapy and Coaching

While both therapy and ADHD coaching can be transformative, they serve different purposes and are rooted in distinct methodologies. Therapy often focuses on understanding and healing past trauma, emotions, and deep psychological patterns that may contribute to ADHD symptoms. It’s about processing why things are the way they are. On the other hand, ADHD coaching is future-focused, action-oriented, and pragmatic. It aims to improve present-day functioning by building skills, setting goals, and creating effective strategies. In therapy, the client and therapist may dive deep into emotional processing, while coaching is more about providing tools and accountability to make changes in real-time. Simply put, therapy helps individuals understand their ADHD, while coaching helps them navigate their ADHD. It’s the difference between understanding the storm and learning how to weather it.

Aspect

Therapy

ADHD Coaching

Focus

Past (understanding emotions, trauma)

Present and future (goal-setting, skill-building)

Primary Goal

Healing and emotional understanding

Skill development and behavior change

Methodology

Deep emotional processing, talk therapy

Practical tools, strategies, accountability

Approach

Therapist-guided, introspective

Coach-guided, action-oriented

Duration

Typically, long-term

Short-term, goal-specific

Tools Used

Psychotherapy techniques, exploration of past

Goal setting, time management, executive function skills

Client Role

Reflective, emotional processing

Active, goal-focused, accountable

When to Choose Therapy

When the emotional wounding, anxiety or depression are stopping you from effectively coping with ADHD then therapy is the way to go. Good if ADHD is walled in with low self-esteem, generational shame or those past experiences that are still audible today. Through therapy you can have that safe environment of a controlled space to work on those feelings. If you are more likely to fall into “why me?” stuck loop than you are of the “how can I change this?” coping style, maybe therapy is where you need to be. Just like upgrading the software to ensure that you can run a new app without running into road blocks you might have unsteady emotional ground even the best strategies will crash. Or for a bit more fun:If your head is a soap opera then you need a therapist in the writers room

When to opt for ADHD Coaching

ADHD coaching is ideal when you’re ready to move forward but need guidance to do it effectively. If your challenges revolve around procrastination, organization, prioritization, or follow-through not deep emotional distress coaching provides practical tools and accountability. It’s action-oriented, future-focused, and tailored to your unique neurodiverse wiring. Coaching helps turn insight into execution, especially when you already know what needs to change but struggle with the how. Think of it like having a personal trainer for your executive functions. Or, in a lighter tone: if your daily planning feels like you versus 37 browser tabs open in your brain, ADHD coaching is the calm IT guy who finally shows you how to use “task manager” before the system crashes.

Integrating Both Approaches

For many individuals with ADHD, the most effective solution lies not in choosing one path but in combining both therapy and coaching. While therapy provides the emotional processing and psychological support necessary to understand past challenges, ADHD coaching brings forward-focused, skill-building strategies that address executive function and daily productivity. Research shows that while medication and therapy offer important relief, they don’t necessarily equip individuals with the practical tools needed for sustained growth hence the growing appeal of combining approaches. As recent studies put it: pills may stabilize, but they don’t teach skills. It’s like the beloved classic The Karate Kid: therapy is Mr. Miyagi instilling discipline and emotional grounding, while coaching is Daniel-San training to win the match. Together, they form the perfect balance of healing and action.

Conclusion: Making the Right Choice

Choosing between therapy and ADHD coaching doesn’t have to be a binary decision. It’s about understanding your unique challenges, your goals, and how each approach can support your growth. At Heal-Thrive.com, we believe in empowering individuals with ADHD through evidence-based strategies, strength-based coaching, and compassionate support that honors neurodiversity. Whether you need to unpack emotional patterns or build executive function skills, your path should be tailored not templated. Remember: managing ADHD is not about “fixing” yourself, but about thriving in your own way. Start with a conversation, and let’s build your personal roadmap forward.

Ready to Take the Next Step?

Living with ADHD doesn’t mean going it alone. Whether you’re exploring coaching for the first time or looking to complement your therapy, we’re here to help. Book a personalized consultation to map out your support plan. Your journey to thriving starts now. Let’s navigate it together.

Psychotherapy Benefits You Should Know
By admin 0 Comments Blog, Therapy

Psychotherapy Benefits You Should Know

Psychotherapy Benefits You Should Know

Struggling with anxiety, depression, ADHD, trauma, or even bumps in your relationships is no easy feat, but navigating life while juggling flaming swords and riding a unicycle blindfolded is even harder. Psychotherapy offers healing and growth and can be the safety net you are looking for. Recent studies have shown that evidence-based therapy like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) greatly reduce depression, and anxiety, and enhance emotional regulation (Cuijpers et al., 2023; Twohig et al., 2021). Furthermore, psychotherapy is increasingly regarded as an important component of an integrative approach to mental health care, usually achieving more favorable results over time than medication alone (Leichsenring et al., 2022). Psychotherapy is a well-orchestrated collaboration that helps patients gain understanding, self-regulation, adaptive skills, and insights to navigate life challenges with ease.

What Is Psychotherapy, really?

Psychotherapy, or psychological therapy, is a form of mental health treatment where the therapist collaborates with you to navigate through various feelings, behaviors, and patterns steps with essential techniques to build and enhance your mental health. Unlike what people think, psychotherapy does not only involve “talking about feelings”, rather it is more in making sense of these feelings, identifying where they come from, figuring out how to manage or change them, and doing this in a healthy way that’s empowering.

As put forth by the American Psychological Association (2023), psychotherapy has professionally verified techniques designed to support people in adopting preferable behaviors and enhancing their overall psychological functioning. More contemporary approaches, including integrative and trauma-informed care, use a blend of strategies to customize therapy for patients, including considerations of culture and other contextual factors (Norcross & Wampold, 2022). Metanalyses affirm that psychotherapy has moderate to large effects on a wide range of disorders including anxiety, depression, PTSD, and personality disorders (Cuijpers et al., 2022).

Top Benefits of Psychotherapy

  1. Improves Mental Health Long-term

Metanalyses consistently show that psychotherapy offers enduring relief from psychiatric symptoms, especially when therapies are structured and evidence-based (Cuijpers et al., 2022). For example, CBT has been shown to prevent relapse in depression even years after treatment ends. Longitudinal studies suggest that therapeutic gains continue to improve emotional regulation and reduce the need for future crisis interventions. These effects make therapy a sustainable investment in mental well-being.

  1. Builds Emotional Resilience

The capability to recover from stress – emotional resilience – is an important outcome of psychotherapeutic treatment. Resilience is enhanced by mindfulness, acceptance, and cognitive restructuring taught in ACT and CBT (Hayes et al., 2011). A 2021 clinical psychology review noted how clients develop adaptive coping strategies that mitigate psychological harm for future occurrences. This adaptive ability is, of course, helpful in managing grief, chronic illness, or life transitions.

  1. Boosts Self-esteem and Self-awareness

Humanistic and psychodynamic therapies promote insight, understanding oneself, and authentic self-understanding core for self-worth. Experiential therapies are more holistic in their approach to helping shame and internal self-criticism as Greenberg & Watson (2022) have pointed out. In time, clients internalize a kinder, compassionate voice which helps them disentangle from the false identity shaped by society or family. This self-acceptance is fundamental in the later stages.

  1. Improves Relationships

Systemic and relational therapies improve communication patterns and emotional attunement in couples and families (Lebow et al., 2012). Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), for instance, has shown high success rates in strengthening attachment bonds and reducing conflict. Clients learn active listening, nonviolent communication, and boundary setting all of which are associated with healthier interpersonal dynamics and lower divorce or separation rates.

  1. Treats More Than Just Symptoms

Depth-oriented therapies such as psychodynamic or schema therapy go beyond symptom control by addressing unresolved developmental traumas and maladaptive schemas (Young et al., 2003). This approach leads to transformation at the core personality level, promoting lasting change. Recent neuroimaging studies (e.g., Fonagy & Lemma, 2023) also show that such therapies may alter neural pathways associated with emotional regulation and self-perception.

Popular Types of Psychotherapy

  1. CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy)

CBT assists you in recognizing negative cognitions such as “I’m a total failure” and helps you substitute them with healthier, more achievable options. It’s like a cleansing ritual for your brain. Away with the clouds of despair!

  1. Psychoanalysis / Psychodynamic Therapy

This one hit hard. You analyze prior events (mostly from childhood) to explain certain aspects of your life, such as why you keep gravitating towards the same type of partner. Gaining knowledge leads to transformation.

  1. Humanistic Therapy

This has more to do with empathy, self-acceptance, and self-growth. It aids you in reconnecting with who you are instead of who you are made to be on social media. I bet Carl Rogers would appreciate this.

  1. ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy)

Rather than struggling with your thoughts, ACT encourages you to accept them and focus on what matters most. Picture being able to surf the waves of your mind instead of getting continually pulled underwater. Seems perfect, right?

  1. Trauma-Focused Therapy (e.g., EMDR)

If you have experienced some form of trauma, this type of therapy assists your brain in securely processing painful memories. With EMDR, for instance, you can move on without having to relive your past. The focus is on healing, not re-traumatizing.

  1. Couples & Family Therapy

Therapy for two (or more)! Whether you’re in a relationship or navigating family dynamics, this kind of therapy improves communication, rebuilds trust, and helps everyone feel heard without the “I told you so.”

Whether you’re looking for clarity, healing, or stronger relationships, therapy can help you move forward. Not sure which approach is best? That’s okay we’re here to guide you.

Therapy for Everyone

Therapy vs. Medication: Which Is Better?

It’s not about choosing one over the other. Medications are effective for stabilizing symptoms in the short term, but they don’t teach you how to manage long-term emotional and mental challenges. According to McAleavey et al. (2019), combining therapy and medication often leads to the most comprehensive improvement, especially in cases of chronic mental health conditions like depression or anxiety. While medication can help regulate mood and reduce immediate symptoms, therapy provides tools for emotional regulation, coping strategies, and deeper personal growth. Research has also shown that therapy can help prevent relapse, making it a crucial part of any treatment plan (Cuijpers et al., 2016). So, think of medication as your safety net and therapy as your toolkit for navigating life.

Real Stories, Real Healing

“I came in not knowing how to talk to my teenage son without yelling. Through therapy, I learned how to listen, reflect, and reconnect. It saved our relationship.” Anonymous mom in San Diego.

“My anxiety was running the show. After 6 months of CBT and mindfulness work, I finally felt like myself again.” Client with Generalized Anxiety Disorder.

Ready to Feel Better?

At Heal & Thrive, we’re here to walk beside you not in front of you with evidence-based methods, cultural sensitivity, and genuine care. Book a session with one of our compassionate coaches or therapists today.

Struggling with Focus Try ADHD Coaching
By admin 2 Comments Blog

Struggling with Focus Try ADHD Coaching

Focus Issues? ADHD Coaching May Help You Rethink Your Attention Strategies.

Have you ever planned out a work session only to spend the next few hours falling down a rabbit whole of researching why flamingos stand on one leg?

If you struggle with chronic distraction, procrastination, and focus drifting further away than a distant star, you are definitely not alone. Especially if you happen to be living with ADHD.

Lack of focus, attention span issues, and feeling like your brain is juggling ten marathons simultaneously doesn’t mean you have failed.

These gaps in productivity are normal ADHD traits interacting with a world built for linear “neurotypical” thinking.

But you don’t have to feel stuck in breakdown; most ADHD coaching programs operate with personalized plans designed with your specific needs in mind, proven therapy techniques, and cocreated goals with actionable steps tailored for you.

What Is ADHD Coaching?

Let’s clarify one thing:

ADHD coaching does not “fix” you.

Your brain works in a different but not ‘defective’ way. With the right support, your differences can be transformed into amazing strengths.

ADHD coaching focuses on developing tailored approaches that work with your cognitive processes, not against them.

Instead of trying to fit you into inflexible frameworks that are nearly impossible to maintain, ADHD coaching works to help you acquire skills that:

  • Enhance the ability to concentrate and sustain focus
  • Plug distraction holes
  • Strengthen executive function
  • Increase self esteem and foster resilience
  • Establish energy based systems

ADHD coaching is an adaptive, evidence-based collaboration using executive function coaching, neurodiversity coaching, and other approaches, designed to achieve functional, enduring outcomes.

ADHD coaching works in partnership to enhance day-to-day performance, offering sustainable outcomes through skill application.

The Science Behind It

Parker & Boutelle’s (2009) research highlights the considerable impact Executive Function Coaching has on academic achievement and life satisfaction on ADHD students, enhancing both.

Also, Vajda (2023) documents how ADHD coaching enables self-determination, moving clients from a paradigm of ‘self-doubt’ to ‘self-trust’.

In short: ADHD coaching is not a pipe dream; it’s firmly rooted in neuroscience, psychology, and real-life experiences.

The Issues Behind Focus Problems – Which Is Not Your Fault

Losing focus cannot be solved by mere effort. If ADHD could be cured with willpower, you would already be a Nobel Prize winner: an uncluttered, task championing superhero.

The cognitive functions affected by ADHD include:

  • Attention control: allocating tasks based on priority is often difficult (either assigning too much or too little urgency to everything).
  • Working memory: Keeping relevant information “online.”
  • Impulse control: not moving away from a current task to an interesting distraction.
  • Emotional self-regulation: anger, self-criticism, and shame lead easily to procrastination.

The ADHD list does not showcase deficits of self-discipline and motivation. These problems are rooted in psychological and neural structures.

True compassionate change stems from deep understanding of self.

Common Focus Problems Assist You to Overcome

If this sounds familiar,

  • After checking emails, you have scrubbed the kitchen clean but still need to hit send four hours later.
  • During the “one important task” my mind suddenly reminds me of 17 ‘urgent’ things.
  • Bouncing between deadlines and losing track of time gets me stuck in never ending starting and not finishing loops.
  • I feel disorganized, beat myself up for being lazy, or for “not good enough.”

You are not broken.

Your brain is not broken. It is just wired differently.

With ADHD coaching, treating particular focus issues is dealt with in numerous ways, including:

  • Situational Ergonomics: Designing your workstation to lower the number of distractions available
  • Chunking: Completing unnaturally large projects by division into smaller, achievable steps
  • Time Awareness Training: Reminders and timers are placed externally to help the individual stay on track
  • Attention Anchoring: The process of nonjudgmentally bringing one’s wandering attention back to the focus activity
  • Energy management: Altering focus heavy tasks to the periods where energy levels peak naturally

Privacy Success Stories (Names have been altered to protect privacy)

Adult ADHD Emma, a working mother was once an ADHD coach and took 6 months into launching a successful small business and from feeling like focusing for a measly 10 minutes was a fantasy.

University student Jason was in the middle of failing multiple courses because of chronic procrastination and focus collapse. With ADHD coaching, he was able to develop study systems tailored to his need for movement, frequent breaks, and strong external accountability. He graduated with honors.

Creative entrepreneur Lily used to start dozens of projects but struggled to finish them.

In collaboration, we developed ADHD strategies that emphasized clarity, simplified decision processes, and acknowledged milestones rather than striving for perfection. Today, she runs a thriving art studio.

How ADHD Coaching Operates (And What Sets Our Method Apart)
Seven fundamental guidelines guide our coaching process:
1. A mindset centered on strengths
We begin by determining your strengths and enhancing them.
We build on your fundamental genius, so stop worrying about your flaws.
2. Useful, Practical Tools
No ambiguous counsel such as “just focus more.” You’ll receive specific, doable actions that you can take right now.
3. Customized and Adaptable Plans
There is no one-size-fits-all approach to ADHD, and neither are our methods. Each coaching program is tailored to your goals, lifestyle, and brain chemistry.
4. Collaborative Partnership
Regarding your life, you are the expert. We combine our knowledge of executive function and ADHD to jointly develop tactics that work for you.

  1. Evidence Based + Experience Informed

Our methods are grounded in solid research from sources like Asherson et al. (2016), combined with decades of real-world coaching experience.

  1. Self-Management Focus

Our goal is to make you independent, not reliant. We empower you with systems you can self-sustain no “forever handholding” here.

  1. Holistic, Compassionate Support

We see you as a whole person not just your to do list. Emotional wellbeing, mindset shifts, and resilience building are all part of the package.

Special Focus: ADHD and Adults

While ADHD is often associated with children bouncing off the walls, Adult ADHD is real and massively underdiagnosed.
Adults with ADHD often face unique challenges, such as:

  • Career struggles (missed deadlines, inconsistent performance)
  • Relationship friction (forgetfulness, emotional dysregulation)
  • Low self-esteem from years of misunderstanding and judgment
  • Difficulty balancing multiple life roles (parenting, working, caregiving)

Through ADHD coaching, we specifically address the realities of Adult ADHD, helping you:

  • Improve work performance and career satisfaction
  • Build sustainable routines without rigidity
  • Manage emotional turbulence more effectively
  • Rekindle your creativity, passion, and joy for life

You are capable of incredible success — with the right supports in place.

Real Talk: Can ADHD Coaching Replace Therapy or Medication?

Honest answer: No, it’s not a replacement.
Coaching is an adjunct, not a substitute. If you have ADHD, therapy (especially Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for ADHD) and medication can play critical roles.
ADHD coaching complements these treatments by focusing on practical daily implementation the “how” of managing your brain. In fact, many clients find that the combination of therapy + medication + coaching is a gamechanger, providing emotional healing, neurological support, and real-world success tools.

The Power of Community and ADHD Support

ADHD can feel isolating. Sometimes, it seems like everyone else got the “Life Manual” and you’re still trying to figure out which way is up.

One of the most overlooked benefits of ADHD coaching? Connection. Through coaching, you’re reminded: you’re not broken, you’re not lazy, you’re not alone. We embrace neurodiversity  the idea that different brain styles are part of human variety, not errors to be fixed.

You belong. Your brain’s differences are valid. You are capable of achieving amazing things — and ADHD coaching can help you get there.

Take the Next Step: Book Your ADHD Coaching Session Today

Imagine waking up and knowing you have:

  • Tools to manage your day without drowning
  • Systems that respect how your brain works
  • A coach in your corner who gets it — and gets YOU
  • Renewed focus, energy, and belief in yourself

This isn’t a pipe dream.
It’s absolutely within reach.

Whether you’re a parent seeking ADHD help for your child, an adult battling attention issues at work, or a coach looking to upskill in ADHD strategies, we’re here to support your growth.

  • Ready to reclaim your focus and your life?
  • Book a session today and start your transformation.

Your future self-organized, empowered, thriving is cheering you on.

Let’s meet them together.

Is ADHD Coaching Right for You?
By admin 0 Comments Blog

Is ADHD Coaching Right for You?

1. Introduction: Why I Wrote This Article

If you’re reading this, it’s likely that you have tried sticky notes, the timers, the apps. You’ve attempted reading several books. Perhaps you’ve even consulted a therapist. But something still feels… off. Incomplete. Like there’s a mismatch between the OS of your brain and the manual of the world.

As an ADHD coach working with clients all over California and the rest of the country, I come across this all the time. This article is an effort to address the most common question I encounter:

“Is ADHD coaching suitable for me?”

Let’s uncover this together. Because the moment you choose to spend your time, energy, and trust, you deserve more than a robotic response.

2. What ADHD Coaching Really Is (and What It Isn’t)

ADHD coaching isn’t about fixing you. It’s about working with your unique brain, not against it.

It’s not therapy. It’s not tutoring. And it’s not someone yelling productivity hacks at you.

ADHD coaching is a collaborative, strength-based process. It’s about:

  • Building practical strategies customized to your life
  • Co-creating systems that stick (finally!)
  • Helping you follow through on what matters most
  • Reclaiming your confidence and direction

Scientific studies back this up. In fact, Ahmann & Saviet (2021) noted that ADHD coaching has evolved into a distinct, research-based field designed to support executive function and life navigation.

3. The Growing Need for ADHD Coaching in a Neurodiverse World

ADHD coaching is in greater demand now more than ever due to the rapidly growing awareness related to neurodiversity. While medications and therapy greatly assist with treatment, they tend to fall short when teaching life skills such as prioritizing, task management, or effective time management. As Bergey (2024) so accurately states, “Pills don’t teach skills.” This is where ADHD coaching proves necessary.

As reported by Ahmann and Saviet (2021), ADHD coaching has emerged as a practice that is based on client strengths and payment motivated by a client’s specific neurocognitive preference. It is not based on a client’s incapacity. ADHD coaching assists with the actual performance of executive functioning strategies, providing scaffolding where therapy or medication may not be enough.

Murphy et al. (2010) highlight coaching’s contribution to addressing the gap between knowing and doing, a common challenge for people with ADHD. Clients learn what to do and are then guided through the process of actually executing these actions.

ADHD coaching addresses the realities encountered by neurodivergent people who have to interact with systems they don’t work, supporting clients with tools tailored to their unique experiences. This rise in demand, quite clearly, is not a short-term trend, but rather a change in societal approach towards inclusive, skill-based assistance.

4. Signs ADHD Coaching Might Be Right for You

If you’re reading this and thinking, “Do I really need a coach for ADHD?” you’re not alone. Many of my clients wrestle with that same question at first. But here’s the truth: ADHD coaching isn’t for everyone. It’s for people who are ready to stop just coping and start building skills. And according to Murphy et al. (2010), that’s exactly what coaching does it helps people move from insight to action.

Let’s break it down.

You might benefit from ADHD coaching if:

  • You constantly feel overwhelmed, even by small tasks.
  • You know what to do, but you just can’t seem to do it.
  • Time feels like an unreliable concept you’re always late, rushing, or losing track.
  • Your to-do lists are endless, and rarely completed.
  • You struggle with motivation, especially when tasks are boring, unclear, or too big.

Ryffel (2011) emphasized that these executive function challenges like planning, starting tasks, and self-monitoring are where coaching can be most transformative. Ahmann & Saviet (2021) also note that coaching empowers clients by helping them externalize support: turning vague intentions into real-world accountability systems.

Put simply? If your ADHD isn’t just about distraction, but about feeling stuck in loops of “almost getting there” coaching can help break the cycle. Not with magic, but with structure, partnership, and science-backed strategies.

5. Real-Life Stories: How Coaching Changed Lives

Story 1: The Lawyer Who Couldn’t Write Briefs Anna, a 36-year-old attorney in Sacramento, was brilliant in court but paralyzed by paperwork. In coaching, we built a rhythm using time-blocking and accountability check-ins. Three months later, she was ahead on filings for the first time in her career.

Story 2: The College Senior on the Brink Ty, a student in LA, was failing classes and thought he had no future. We worked on micro-tasking and emotional regulation. He passed his finals and even started tutoring others.

Story 3: The Mom Who Lost Herself Sarah, a stay-at-home mom, felt like ADHD was ruining her parenting. Coaching gave her tools for daily structure and emotional boundaries. More importantly, she found herself again.

6. Practical ADHD Coaching Strategies That Work

Effective ADHD coaching isn’t about offering generic advice it’s about equipping individuals with personalized, science-based strategies that address their specific executive function challenges. Research shows that coaching works best when it focuses on helping clients develop systems for planning, prioritizing, initiating tasks, and staying on track. These aren’t quick fixes they’re sustainable habits that grow with time and practice.

One core strategy is external structuring. Many ADHD brains struggle to hold plans and deadlines mentally. Coaches help clients translate vague intentions into visible, external tools like time-blocked calendars, habit trackers, and written goal maps. These structures reduce the cognitive load and increase follow-through.

Another powerful approach is “body doubling” doing tasks alongside someone else, virtually or in person. This technique has been shown to boost focus and reduce procrastination, particularly for tasks that feel overwhelming or boring.

Coaching also emphasizes values-based goal setting. Instead of focusing on what a client “should” do, sessions help clarify why a goal matters. This emotional connection increases motivation and reduces the ADHD-driven tendency to abandon tasks midway.

Lastly, effective coaches teach self-compassion and cognitive reframing helping clients shift from negative self-talk (“I’m lazy”) to empowering narratives (“I’m learning how to work with my brain”).

When practiced consistently, these strategies empower individuals to stop fighting their ADHD and start navigating it with purpose.

7. What Happens in an ADHD Coaching Session?

Coaching sessions are not lectures. They’re conversations fluid, focused, and client-driven.

We usually:

  1. Celebrate wins (because they matter!)
  2. Address current struggles
  3. Explore patterns (what’s really going on?)
  4. Create doable action steps
  5. Follow up and iterate

Sessions can be weekly or bi-weekly. I coach online via Zoom, so it fits into your schedule and comfort zone.

8. Common Challenges (And How We Overcome Them)

Yes, ADHD coaching can be hard. Resistance shows up. Life interrupts. Progress plateaus.

That’s normal.

We tackle it by:

  • Normalizing setbacks (perfection isn’t the goal)
  • Revisiting your why regularly
  • Using positive accountability, not shame

This isn’t about rigid discipline. It’s about flexible structure.

9. ADHD Coaching vs Other Treatments

Many of my clients use more than one. Coaching complements therapy and medication—not replaces them.

Treatment Type

Focus

Strengths

Medication

Brain chemistry

Improves attention, reduces impulsivity

Therapy

Emotional/mental health

Trauma, anxiety, self-esteem

Coaching

Skills + systems

Daily functioning, planning, execution

10. Measuring Success in ADHD Coaching

How do we know it’s working? Look for:

  • Consistency over perfection
  • Increased self-trust
  • Less emotional reactivity
  • More tasks completed without burnout
  • Clearer priorities
  • Greater peace (yep, that’s real!)

Success isn’t a straight line. But it’s measurable, trackable, and totally possible.

11. So… Is ADHD Coaching Right for YOU?

Only you can answer that. But if you’ve tried everything and still feel stuck…

If you crave structure but hate being boxed in…

If you’re so done with shame, blame, and burnout…

Then yes. ADHD coaching might be exactly what you’ve been missing.

By admin 1 Comments Blog, Therapy

Working WITH Your ADHD Brain

Working WITH Your ADHD Brain: 10 Life-Changing Strategies (Plus Real Stories of Success)

By Your ADHD Coach, Executive Function Strategist, and Someone Who’s Been There

Have you ever felt like your brain is constantly running a dozen different programs while you’re desperately trying to focus on just one?

If you’re nodding right now, you’re not alone.

When people find me, they’re often at their breaking point. They’ve downloaded the apps. They’ve read the books. They’ve watched countless TikToks about productivity hacks. And still, they feel like they’re barely hanging on by their fingertips.

Here’s what I always tell them first: You’re not lazy. Your brain is wired differently. And when you learn how to work WITH that wiring instead of fighting against it — everything changes.

After coaching hundreds of people with ADHD — from college students pulling all-nighters to entrepreneurs building businesses, from parents juggling family life to engineers and artists trying to harness their creativity — I’ve seen what actually works in real life, not just in theory.

In this article, I’m sharing the 10 most powerful ADHD coaching strategies I use every day to help people regain their focus, get things done, and finally feel like they’re in control of their lives instead of constantly playing catch-up.

Let’s dive in. And hey, I’ll talk to you like I talk to my clients — no fluff, no judgment, just real strategies that work for real brains like yours.

  1. Design Your Space Before You Rely on Willpower

Here’s a truth about ADHD brains: If your phone is sitting face-up on your desk while you’re trying to work… your phone is going to win that battle. Every time.

People often think ADHD management is about “trying harder” or “just pushing through” distractions. But that’s like trying to swim upstream when there’s a perfectly good bridge right next to you.

ADHD brains don’t respond well to willpower alone. They need environments that work FOR them, not against them.

What to try:

  • Keep distractions physically out of sight. Put your phone in a drawer or another room. Close unnecessary browser tabs. If you don’t need the internet for your task, turn off the WiFi.
  • Use noise-canceling headphones or create a consistent sound environment that helps your brain settle (like instrumental music or coffee shop background noise).
  • Lay out your workspace like it’s “go time.” Have only the tools you need for your current task visible. Everything else gets cleared away.
  • Make your thinking visible. Visual timers show time passing. Whiteboards make your tasks and ideas visible. Sticky notes make important reminders impossible to ignore.

One of my clients was constantly distracted in her home office. We redesigned her space together, moving her desk away from the window, setting up a dedicated “focus corner” with noise-canceling headphones, and creating a visual dashboard for her projects.

“You helped me clear my space and my head,” she told me later. “Suddenly, I could breathe again.”

  1. Turn Tasks Into Tiny Steps (Even Tinier Than That)

The biggest villain for ADHD brains isn’t distraction — it’s overwhelm.

It’s that heavy fog of “I don’t even know where to start” that freezes you in place. The project feels too big, too complicated, with too many moving parts. So your brain, trying to protect you from that discomfort, finds anything else to focus on instead.

This is where breaking things down becomes essential. Not into steps — into micro-steps.

What to try:

A huge research paper becomes:

  • Open a document
  • Write a title
  • Jot down three bullet points of main ideas
  • Find one source for the first point
  • Write two sentences about that source

Notice how ridiculously small these steps are? That’s the point. Make each step so tiny that your brain doesn’t have time to get overwhelmed before you’ve already started.

A graduate student I worked with was paralyzed by a term paper. We broke it down until the first step was literally “open the file.” They texted me: “Instead of ‘do homework,’ you taught me to just ‘open the file.’ It actually worked. Once I was looking at it, I could write a sentence, then another.”

Three weeks later, his paper was finished — one tiny step at a time.

  1. Use Accountability That Feels Human

Here’s something most productivity advice gets wrong: It assumes you’ll follow through simply because you told yourself you would.

But for most ADHD brains, internal accountability is incredibly challenging. You make plans with yourself and then your brain says, “Well, we can always do that tomorrow instead!”

This isn’t a character flaw. It’s just how your brain is wired. The ADHD brain often needs external motivation — the social pressure of knowing someone else is counting on you or will notice if you don’t follow through.

What to try:

  • Text a friend what you plan to accomplish in the next hour, then text them when it’s done.
  • Use body doubling apps like Focusmate where you work alongside a stranger on video (more on this in strategy #4).
  • Schedule regular check-ins with a coach, mentor, or accountability partner.
  • Make commitments public by sharing goals with friends or on social media.

An entrepreneur I coached struggled with completing their weekly bookkeeping. We set up a simple system: They would text me when they started and when they finished. Nothing fancy, no lengthy discussions.

“Just knowing you would ask how it went kept me on track,” they said. “Missing a week feels like letting down a friend, not just falling behind on a task.”

  1. Try Body Doubling — It’s Magic

Have you ever noticed that you can focus better in a coffee shop surrounded by strangers than alone in your quiet home office? Or that you clean your entire house when a friend is coming over, but can’t seem to pick up a single sock when it’s just you?

This isn’t random — it’s called body doubling, and it’s one of the most powerful tools for ADHD brains.

Body doubling simply means having another person present (either physically or virtually) while you work on a task. Their presence creates a gentle social pressure that helps keep your brain engaged.

What to try:

  • Set up virtual co-working sessions with friends or colleagues where you both work silently on your own tasks.
  • Work in the same room as a family member or roommate.
  • Join online ADHD communities that offer virtual body doubling sessions.
  • Even a pet can be your accountability buddy! Tell your dog, “I’m going to work for 30 minutes while you nap right there.”

A writer I coached was skeptical at first. “I didn’t know ‘co-working’ with my sister would help,” they admitted. “You showed me it’s a legit strategy, not just me being weirdly dependent on others.”

Now she writes three times a week while on a video call with her sister who lives across the country. They barely speak — they just work in each other’s virtual presence.

  1. Make Room for Emotional Safety First

Most productivity advice jumps straight into techniques and tools. But for ADHD brains, there’s often an invisible barrier standing in the way: emotional baggage.

Years of being called lazy, disorganized, or unmotivated leave scars. Constant self-criticism becomes an automatic response. The shame of missed deadlines and disappointed people builds up.

Before we can make lasting progress on productivity, we need to address these emotional barriers. No real progress happens without emotional safety.

What to try:

  • Name what you’re feeling before starting a task. “I’m avoiding this because I’m afraid I’ll mess it up again.” Just acknowledging the emotion often reduces its power.
  • Practice self-compassion, not self-criticism. Replace “What’s wrong with me?” with “This is hard for my brain, and that’s okay.”
  • Work with someone who gets it — whether that’s a therapist, coach, or friend who understands ADHD.
  • Separate your worth from your productivity. You are valuable even on days when you get nothing done.

A client who came to me after years of struggling with work deadlines burst into tears during our third session. “Before working with you, I felt judged all the time. During our sessions, I felt understood for the first time.”

That emotional safety became the foundation for all our other work together. Once she wasn’t fighting herself anymore, she had much more energy to focus on solutions.

  1. Gamify the Boring Stuff

ADHD brains crave interest, novelty, and stimulation. Laundry, email, and tax forms don’t naturally provide any of that. So we need to hack the system.

By adding elements of play, challenge, reward, or even just silliness to boring tasks, we can make them engaging enough for our dopamine-seeking brains.

What to try:

  • Set timers and race the clock. “Can I fold all these clothes before this 3-minute song ends?”
  • Create reward systems. “After I respond to five emails, I get to spend 10 minutes on my hobby.”
  • Add sound effects to your accomplishments. One client literally makes a “ding!” sound whenever she completes a task.
  • Turn chores into physical challenges. “How many dishes can I put away while standing on one foot?”

A software developer who struggled with mundane administrative tasks was shocked at how well this worked. “You helped me make chores feel like a video game. It was weirdly fun to try to ‘beat my high score’ for how quickly I could process my inbox.”

  1. Use the 5-Minute Rule to Destroy Procrastination

“Just do it for 5 minutes.”

This simple phrase has probably unlocked more productivity for my ADHD clients than any other technique I teach.

Here’s why it works: ADHD brains often get stuck in the starting phase. The thought of working on something for hours feels impossible. But anyone can do something for just 5 minutes.

Once we begin, momentum often takes over. Our brains get interested and engaged, and we frequently continue well beyond those initial 5 minutes.

What to try:

  • Set a 5-minute timer for any task you’re avoiding.
  • Give yourself full permission to stop after 5 minutes. This is crucial — it’s not a trick. If you want to stop after 5 minutes, that’s completely fine.
  • Celebrate those 5 minutes as a win, regardless of whether you continue.
  • Over time, starting gets easier because your brain learns that starting doesn’t always mean hours of grueling work.

A college student struggling with term papers texted me after trying this technique: “I started telling myself, ‘Just five minutes.’ I ended up finishing things I had avoided for weeks. It’s like my brain just needed to get over that first hump.”

  1. Turn Failure Into Data

This strategy is transformative for ADHD folks who have developed perfectionist tendencies as a coping mechanism.

When you’ve been called careless or told you’re not trying hard enough, you might overcompensate by holding yourself to impossible standards. The fear of failing again can be paralyzing.

In coaching, we reframe completely: “If it didn’t work, that’s not failure — it’s feedback.”

What to try:

  • After a rough day, ask yourself: “What did I learn? What can I try differently tomorrow?”
  • Keep a simple log of what works and what doesn’t. Notice patterns without judgment.
  • Remind yourself that everyone’s path includes detours. People without ADHD also have unproductive days and failed attempts.
  • Adjust your approach based on data, not shame. “This method didn’t work for me” is different from “I failed again.”

A graphic designer who was terrified of making mistakes in front of clients gradually adopted this mindset. “You taught me to treat mistakes like experiments. It changed everything about how I approach my work. I’m actually more creative now because I’m not afraid to try things.”

  1. Tailor Systems to Your Brain, Not Instagram

In the age of aesthetic productivity videos and beautifully organized planners on social media, it’s easy to feel like you need to use certain tools or systems to be “properly” organized.

Everyone’s screaming “use Notion!” or “bullet journaling will change your life!” But what if your brain likes sticky notes and voice memos instead?

The best system for you is the one that feels natural for YOUR brain — not forced, not complicated, and definitely not chosen because it looks pretty on Instagram.

What to try:

  • Notice how you already organize naturally. Do you take pictures of things to remember them? Do you remember things better if you say them out loud? Follow those instincts.
  • Build from your natural tendencies rather than fighting against them.
  • Don’t be afraid to make your system weird. Sticky notes covering an entire wall? Voice memos instead of written to-do lists? Alarms with strange custom messages? If it works for your brain, it works.

A teacher who had tried and abandoned countless planning systems finally found relief when we built a custom approach. “You helped me embrace how my brain likes to work — not how it ‘should.’ My system looks chaotic to others, but it makes perfect sense to me.”

  1. Celebrate Every Win (Yes, Even That One)

ADHD brains are extraordinarily good at noticing what went wrong, what’s still undone, and where we fell short. Our critical vision is often crystal clear.

What we’re not naturally good at? Seeing our successes, appreciating our progress, and acknowledging how far we’ve come.

We need to intentionally build this habit to create balanced feedback for our dopamine-driven brains.

What to try:

  • End each day by writing down three wins, no matter how small. “I showered. I texted back my friend. I ate a vegetable.”
  • Share these wins with someone who will genuinely celebrate with you.
  • Make celebration physical. High-five yourself, do a little dance, or say “yes!” out loud. It might feel silly, but it helps your brain register the success.
  • Look for progress, not perfection. Did you do better than yesterday? That’s a win.

An accountant who constantly felt behind despite working incredibly hard started a daily wins practice. “You clapped for my tiny wins until I started clapping for myself. Now I have a ridiculous happy dance I do whenever I complete something on my list. My kids think I’m hilarious, but it works!”

Bonus: The 3-Minute Reset™ — Your Daily 3-Minute Check-In

Want a quick daily ritual that brings all these strategies together? Try this:

The Rooz Reset™

  1. What’s one thing I’m proud of today? (Celebrates wins)
  2. What’s one small thing I can do next? (Creates tiny steps)
  3. Who can I share this with or check in with? (Builds accountability)

It takes just three minutes. It works for any area of life. And it creates momentum that sticks.

A marketing professional who felt constantly scattered incorporated this simple practice into their morning routine. “Doing the 3-Minute Reset every morning changed how I see myself — and my day. It’s like a mini coaching session I give myself.”

Final Thoughts — From Surviving to Thriving

These aren’t just productivity hacks or quick fixes. They’re lifelines.

Real tools for real people who want to stop merely surviving and start actually thriving with ADHD.

I know ADHD can feel like chaos sometimes. The constant overwhelm, the forgotten tasks, the difficulty starting important work, the emotional roller coaster — it’s exhausting.

But you don’t have to fight your brain anymore. You can learn how to work with it instead of against it. And when you do — when you finally feel seen and supported — life opens up in ways you might not even imagine right now.

You don’t have to do this alone. And you certainly don’t have to be perfect to start.

Just take one small step. Try one strategy. See what happens. Your brain is unique and powerful, and it deserves tools that honor its differences rather than trying to force it into someone else’s definition of “normal.”

Ready to Explore What ADHD Coaching Could Look Like for You?

At our coaching practice, we specialize in working with people just like you — brilliant, creative, overwhelmed, and ready for change.

We’re not just about productivity. We’re about building a life that fits your brain and honors your story.

What Psychotherapy Can Do
By admin 0 Comments Blog

What Psychotherapy Can Do: Real Healing, Real Relief

What Psychotherapy Can Do

Many people suffer in silence. They struggle with anxiety, depression, trauma, or just feel stuck in patterns that no longer serve them. Sometimes they know why. Often, they don’t. That’s where psychotherapy can help.

At Heal and Thrive Psychotherapy and Coaching in California, we create a safe space where you can explore what’s beneath the surface. People come to us feeling overwhelmed and unsure. But with time and support, they begin to feel something they haven’t felt in a long time—relief.

Psychotherapy isn’t about being broken. It’s about being human. It’s about realizing you don’t have to carry everything alone, and that healing is within reach.

So what exactly can psychotherapy do? Let’s look at how it supports healing, growth, and change in real, everyday lives.

A Place to Feel Heard and Seen

“It feels so good to finally say this out loud.” We hear this all the time from people starting Psychotherapy.

In our sessions, you have permission to be completely honest. You don’t have to hide your pain, downplay what happened, or pretend to be okay. This is your space. Your time. You get to bring everything—the mess, the confusion, the hurt, the hope—and we meet it with compassion, not judgment.

One client told us, “My therapist helped me feel seen in a way I never had before.”

Being truly seen and heard creates immediate relief. For many, it’s the first step toward healing.

The Power of the Therapist-Client Relationship

The relationship between you and your therapist matters enormously. Studies consistently show that this connection—the trust and understanding you build together—predicts positive outcomes more than almost anything else.

In our California practice, we focus on building this relationship from day one. This foundation allows you to:

  • Speak freely without fear of judgment
  • Explore difficult feelings without shame
  • Try different ways of thinking and acting
  • Experience acceptance that helps you accept yourself

Many people tell us they’ve never had this kind of relationship before—and it often makes the biggest difference in their healing journey.

Getting to the Root of the Problem

Therapy helps you slow down and get curious about what’s really happening below the surface. Instead of just managing symptoms, we explore where they come from.

Why do I feel this way? Why do I keep repeating these patterns? Where does this anxiety, sadness, or anger actually come from?

You don’t have to figure this out by yourself. We walk alongside you as you connect the dots. And when the root cause becomes clear, people often describe it as a lightbulb moment.

Our clients have shared reactions like:

  • “It finally makes sense.”
  • “I can see now that wasn’t my fault.”
  • “I understand myself so much better.”

These insights bring not just clarity, but deep, meaningful relief from struggles that might have persisted for years.

Our Psychotherapy Approaches (Psychodynamic, integrative, CBT, Mindfulness & More)
 

Depending on what you’re going through, we might use different therapeutic approaches:

Cognitive Behavioral Psychotherapy helps identify and shift unhelpful thought patterns that affect your emotions and behaviors. It works especially well for anxiety, depression, and managing stress.

Psychodynamic Psychotherapy looks at how your past experiences, particularly from childhood, influence your current relationships and behaviors. It helps bring unconscious patterns into awareness.

Mindfulness-Based Approaches incorporate awareness of the present moment to reduce stress and improve emotional regulation.

Integrative Psychotherapy helps bring in the different dynamics at play, past and current, social, interpersonal, systematic, societal and cultural factors influencing us. It helps understand oneself from different perspectives and understand what the intergenerational impact of experiences are.

At our practice, we tailor our approach to fit you specifically, often combining different techniques to support your unique healing process.

Breaking Free from Old Patterns

So many of us repeat patterns because they once helped us survive. Maybe we learned to stay quiet, please others at our own expense, or numb our feelings. These patterns protected us once. But now, they keep us stuck.

Therapy gives us space to notice these habits with kindness. We start asking, “Is this still serving me?” and “What might it feel like to try something different?”

Over time, our clients begin to:

  • Set healthier boundaries
  • Trust their instincts more
  • Express their needs and feelings
  • Feel more comfortable in their own skin
  • Spot early signs of stress or upset
  • Develop healthier ways to cope

This is how Psychotherapy in California helps create lasting change—not just temporary relief.

How Psychotherapy Changes Your Brain

Recent brain research confirms what therapists have observed for years: Psychotherapy actually changes neural pathways. When you engage in Psychotherapy, you’re creating new connections in your brain while weakening unhelpful ones.

This neuroplasticity means that no matter how long you’ve struggled with anxiety, depression, or painful memories, your brain can learn new responses. Each session contributes to these positive changes, building momentum toward lasting transformation.

Healing the Past

Many of us carry unresolved pain. Childhood wounds. Losses we never properly grieved. Traumas we never named or processed. These experiences often show up as anxiety, depression, or difficulties in relationships.

Therapy gently invites us to revisit those experiences—not to relive them, but to process them with support. We don’t rush. You don’t have to go anywhere you’re not ready for. But when the time feels right, Psychotherapy helps release what’s been buried.

People often describe feeling a deep sense of closure afterward. Not because they “got over it,” but because they finally gave their pain the attention and care it needed.

Safe, Trauma-Informed Psychotherapy in California

If you’re looking for trauma Psychotherapy in California, knowing that trauma can be processed safely makes all the difference. Our approach includes:

  • Building safety before processing difficult memories
  • Moving at your pace, always with your consent
  • Teaching grounding techniques to manage overwhelming feelings
  • Recognizing and building on your existing strengths
  • Integrating the experience into your story without letting it define you

Many find that addressing trauma finally frees them from symptoms that have followed them for years—nightmares, flashbacks, anxiety, or feeling constantly on edge can diminish or even resolve completely.

Opening Doors to New Possibilities

When you’re no longer stuck in survival mode, something wonderful happens: you can dream again. Psychotherapy creates space for growth, creativity, and possibility. You start living with more freedom, intention, and connection—to yourself and others.

This is why we named our practice Heal and Thrive Psychotherapy and Coaching. Because healing is just the beginning.

After Psychotherapy, people tell us about:

  • Pursuing dreams they put aside long ago
  • Forming healthier, more fulfilling relationships
  • Making career changes aligned with their values
  • Experiencing more joy in daily life
  • Feeling equipped to handle future challenges
  • Developing a stronger sense of who they are

This shift from merely surviving to truly thriving represents the full potential of Psychotherapy.

FAQs About Psychotherapy and Trauma Psychotherapy in California

How long does Psychotherapy take?

The length varies depending on your specific situation and goals. Some people experience significant relief in just a few sessions, while others benefit from longer-term Psychotherapy to address complex issues or trauma. During your first consultation, we can discuss what timeline might make sense for you.

Is Psychotherapy covered by insurance?

Many insurance plans cover Psychotherapy. We can help you understand your benefits and how to use them. For those without coverage, we offer flexible payment options to make Psychotherapy accessible.

How will I know if Psychotherapy is working?

Progress often looks like:

  • Noticing changes in how you respond to difficult situations
  • Becoming more aware of your emotions
  • Developing new skills for managing challenges
  • Seeing improvement in your relationships
  • Feeling more hopeful about the future

We’ll check in regularly about your experience and track progress toward your goals.

What if I’ve tried Psychotherapy before and it didn’t help?

Finding the right approach and the right therapist makes all the difference. If previous Psychotherapy wasn’t helpful, we can discuss what didn’t work and how our approach might differ. The relationship between client and therapist is deeply personal, and finding the right match matters enormously.

Taking the Next Step

You deserve relief. You deserve healing. You deserve to feel grounded, empowered, and supported.

Therapy won’t erase your past, but it can help you understand it—and free you from patterns that keep you stuck. It can help heal old wounds, find closure, and move forward with clarity and strength.

Ready to start Psychotherapy with a licensed therapist in California?
At Heal and Thrive Psychotherapy and Coaching, we offer integrative trauma-informed care that meets you where you are.

 Schedule your free consultation

Because healing isn’t just possible—it’s your birthright.

Heal and Thrive Psychotherapy and Coaching provides individual Psychotherapy, couples counseling, family thearpy and specialized trauma Psychotherapy throughout California. Our licensed therapists offer both in-person sessions in our Los Angeles office and secure online Psychotherapy. Visit www.heal-thrive.com to learn more.

Related Services:

  • Help for Anxiety
  • Depression Treatment
  • Trauma Recovery
  • Couples Counseling
  • Online Psychotherapy

Helpful Resources:

How to Create a Daily Routine That Works for ADHD Brains
By admin 0 Comments Blog

How to Create a Daily Routine That Works for ADHD Brains

How to Create a Daily Routine That Works for ADHD Brains

  1. The Truth About ADHD and Routines

Let’s not sugarcoat it — most of us with ADHD have a love-hate relationship with routines.

We love the idea of them. The promise of calm. The dream of flowing through a day without forgetting lunch, appointments, or where we left our phone (again).

But actually sticking to a routine? That’s another story.

I remember trying to follow a productivity YouTuber’s 5 a.m. “miracle morning” routine. It involved meditation, journaling, a cold shower, gratitude affirmations, and 20 minutes of cardio before sunrise. By day three, I was under a blanket eating Goldfish crackers and wondering what went wrong.

And that’s the thing — it’s not that we’re not trying. We’re trying so hard. But we’re building routines that were never designed for ADHD brains.

It’s time we change that.

The Neurological Reality Behind ADHD and Structure

To understand why traditional routines often fail us, we need to look at what’s happening in our brains. ADHD brains have different levels of neurotransmitters like dopamine and norepinephrine, which affect motivation, focus, and the ability to transition between tasks.

These differences mean we might struggle with:

  • Starting tasks (even when we know they’re important)
  • Tracking time accurately
  • Maintaining consistent energy throughout the day
  • Remembering multi-step processes
  • Shifting focus between activities

When we try to force our brains into neurotypical routine structures, we’re setting ourselves up for frustration. It’s like trying to run Mac software on a Windows computer — the architecture just doesn’t match.

  1. Why Traditional Routines Fail ADHD Brains

ADHD isn’t a motivation problem. It’s a regulation problem. A timing problem. A task-switching problem.

Most routines assume:

  • Linear thinking
  • Stable energy throughout the day
  • Predictable focus
  • That you remember what you planned two hours ago

Our brains? Not built that way.

So when a routine fails, we blame ourselves. But really, the routine failed us. It didn’t account for the executive function challenges we face.

Let’s reframe that.

ADHD-friendly routines aren’t strict schedules. They’re flexible scaffolds that support our brains — without boxing them in.

The Science Behind Why Time Blindness Derails Routines

Time blindness is a common ADHD experience where we struggle to perceive the passage of time accurately. This creates enormous challenges with routines because:

  • We might hyperfocus on a task, losing track of time completely
  • We often underestimate how long tasks will take (the planning fallacy)
  • Transitions between activities can be especially difficult
  • Future events don’t feel “real” until they’re immediate

This is why the “just set a schedule and stick to it” advice falls flat for ADHD brains. Our internal clocks don’t operate that way. We need external cues, buffers, and systems that account for our unique relationship with time.

  1. Step-by-Step: Building an ADHD-Friendly Routine

Here’s how I help clients build routines that actually stick.

Step 1: Anchor Your Day

We start simple: what are your bookends?

Think of your day like a sandwich. The bread matters more than you think. If you can’t structure the middle, at least hold the ends together.

Morning anchors might include:

  • Drink a full glass of water
  • Take medication
  • Open the curtains and get light
  • Review a whiteboard of top 3 goals
  • Play a “start the day” playlist

Evening anchors might look like:

  • Plug in devices
  • Write 2 lines in a journal
  • Make tomorrow’s to-do list
  • Turn off screens by 10pm
  • Take magnesium or calming tea

Pick two from each. Commit. Let everything else be optional.

Why Anchors Work for ADHD Brains

Anchor routines create what psychologists call “implementation intentions” — specific situational cues that trigger behaviors. For ADHD brains that struggle with initiation and transitions, these anchors provide:

  • Reduced decision fatigue
  • Automatic environmental triggers
  • Momentum that carries into other activities
  • A sense of accomplishment early in the day
  • Clear boundaries between “work mode” and “rest mode”

Many clients find that just establishing solid morning and evening routines creates a domino effect of positive changes throughout their day.

Step 2: Chunk Your Time (Not Hour-by-Hour)

ADHD brains often rebel against tight scheduling. The pressure creates anxiety, and when we fall behind (inevitable), we scrap the whole plan.

Instead, we theme the day into chunks.

Sample ADHD Time Chunks:

  • AM Wake & Prep (8–10am)
  • Deep Focus Block (10am–12pm)
  • Lunch & Reset (12–2pm)
  • Admin/Errands (2–4pm)
  • Wrap Up & Transition (4–6pm)
  • Evening Flex (6–9pm)

Within each chunk, list a few options — not fixed tasks. That flexibility is key.

The Problem with Traditional Time Blocking

Traditional time blocking often fails ADHD brains because:

  1. It doesn’t account for the ADHD tendency to hyperfocus
  2. It creates anxiety around “falling behind schedule”
  3. It doesn’t allow for the natural variability in focus and energy
  4. It assumes we can accurately estimate how long tasks will take

Time chunking addresses these issues by providing structure without rigidity. It’s like having lane markers on a highway instead of railroad tracks — you have guidance without feeling locked in.

Step 3: Build Around Energy, Not Clocks

One of my favorite client questions is:

“When do you feel most like yourself?”

That’s when we slot in hard things — during energy highs.

Then we protect the “meh” hours for:

  • Low-effort tasks
  • Admin
  • Movement
  • Restorative breaks

Example:

  • You at 9am: Ready to conquer the world
  • You at 2:30pm: Wondering if it’s too early for pajamas

We work with that, not against it.

Energy Mapping: A Game-Changer for ADHD Productivity

Many of my clients find it helpful to track their energy, focus, and mood for a week or two. This creates an “energy map” that reveals personal patterns:

  • Are you a morning person or night owl?
  • Do you have a post-lunch energy dip?
  • Are there certain days of the week when you consistently have more energy?
  • How does medication timing affect your focus curve?

Once you understand these patterns, you can design your day to leverage your natural highs and protect your natural lows. This works so much better than forcing yourself to do deep work when your brain is signaling it needs rest.

Step 4: Use Visible, Tangible Cues

Routines need reminders. And no — a calendar app alone isn’t enough.

Try:

  • Dry erase boards in the kitchen
  • Sticky notes on the bathroom mirror
  • Smart speaker reminders
  • A checklist on your fridge
  • Alarms with custom labels like “Put on pants. Seriously.”

And I say this with love — if it’s in your head, it’s already forgotten.

Environmental Engineering for ADHD Brains

The concept of “out of sight, out of mind” is amplified with ADHD. Our surroundings dramatically influence our behavior, often more than our intentions do.

Environmental cues work because they:

  1. Bypass the need for working memory
  2. Create friction for unwanted behaviors
  3. Reduce friction for desired behaviors
  4. Provide consistent reminders without requiring mental energy
  5. Give our visual processing systems support

Simple changes like keeping your walking shoes by the door, having a water bottle always in sight, or creating a dedicated medication station can make routine-building much more successful.

Step 5: Include Joy and Movement

You are not a robot. You’re a human being who needs dopamine, connection, and time to reset.

So we add:

  • Morning dance breaks
  • Walks between tasks
  • “Joy anchors” like a funny podcast
  • Sensory tools: aromatherapy, fidget toys, squishy socks

Your routine should support your nervous system, not fry it.

The Dopamine Connection

ADHD is fundamentally linked to dopamine regulation. When we engage in enjoyable activities, we get a dopamine boost that helps motivate and focus our brains.

Deliberately scheduling pleasure isn’t frivolous — it’s neurologically sound strategy. Movement is particularly powerful because it:

  • Increases blood flow to the brain
  • Boosts dopamine, norepinephrine, and serotonin
  • Improves executive function temporarily
  • Helps regulate emotions
  • Creates natural transitions between activities

Many of my clients find that alternating focused work with brief movement breaks actually improves their overall productivity while reducing the mental fatigue that comes from trying to focus for too long.

Step 6: Build a “Reset Routine” Too

When routines fall apart (they will), what’s your comeback move?

Example:

  • Reset outfit (yes, for real — even changing your shirt helps)
  • Brain dump 3 priorities
  • One small action
  • Text your accountability buddy: “Back on track”

We’re not trying to “be consistent.” We’re trying to recover faster.

The Psychology of the ADHD Reset

The concept of a reset routine addresses one of the biggest challenges for ADHD folks: the “what the heck” effect. This happens when we slip up on our intentions and then decide to throw away the whole day.

A planned reset routine:

  • Interrupts the spiral of negative thoughts
  • Creates a clean slate feeling
  • Reduces shame around “getting off track”
  • Provides a concrete path back to productivity
  • Builds resilience over time

With practice, my clients find they can recover from derailments in minutes instead of hours or days.

  1. Real Client Wins: From Chaos to Flow

Alejandra, a mom of a teen with ADHD, built a 3-part morning and evening rhythm with her son. It stopped the yelling. It brought connection. It worked.

Caroline, a writer struggling with executive dysfunction, replaced her rigid checklist with a “top 3 + menu” system. She now hits 80% of her goals without burnout.

Darin, a college student, created “The ADHD Reset Box” — it has earbuds, gum, a timer, a motivational quote, and a list of what to do when he’s spiraling. Game changer.

More Success Stories

Michael, a remote software developer, struggled with work-from-home boundaries. We created distinct “zones” in his apartment and transition rituals between them. His productivity increased by 40% and his evening anxiety decreased significantly.

Leila, a graduate student, was drowning in reading assignments. We built a “text chunking” routine with timers and rewards. She now completes her reading in focused 20-minute blocks throughout the day instead of avoiding it altogether.

Jordan, an executive with severe time blindness, implemented a system of visual timers throughout their home and office. For the first time in their career, they’re consistently making meetings on time and completing projects by deadlines.

  1. Common ADHD Routine Mistakes (and How to Fix Them)

Let’s talk sabotage. I’ve done them all. You probably have too.

Mistake 1: Copy-Pasting Someone Else’s System Just because it worked for that productivity influencer doesn’t mean it’ll work for you.

Fix: Build around YOUR energy, needs, and natural rhythms. Don’t romanticize someone else’s neurotypical routine.

Mistake 2: Overengineering If your routine needs a spreadsheet and seven apps to run, it’s already too much.

Fix: Start small. Pen and paper. A whiteboard. Simple wins.

Mistake 3: Skipping the Fun If there’s no dopamine built in, it won’t stick.

Fix: Make the routine feel good. Even if that means adding “dance party while folding laundry.”

Mistake 4: All-or-Nothing Thinking You skipped Tuesday? Cool. You’re not behind. You’re in process.

Fix: Routines are fluid. Success = you showed up in some way.

Additional Pitfalls to Avoid

Mistake 5: Ignoring Your Medication Schedule Many ADHDers try to build routines without considering how their medication affects their focus and energy.

Fix: Coordinate your routine with your medication timing. Plan challenging tasks during peak medication effectiveness.

Mistake 6: No Accountability System Self-accountability is extra tough with ADHD. Going it alone often leads to abandoned systems.

Fix: Build in external accountability through check-ins with friends, coaches, or even apps that require you to send photo proof of completion.

Mistake 7: Trying to Change Everything at Once The enthusiasm of a new system tempts us to overhaul our entire life overnight.

Fix: Use the “minimum viable routine” approach. Start with just 1-2 changes and build slowly as those become habitual.

  1. What Tools Actually Work for ADHD Brains?

Here’s my short list of ADHD-friendly routine tools (from real client wins):

Planning & Visibility

  • Time Timer: Visual countdowns to stay on track
  • Notion: Customizable and flexible — use templates
  • Trello Boards: For visualizing recurring tasks
  • Dry Erase Boards: Low-tech and super effective
  • Sticky Notes: For visual cueing around the house

Reminders & Transitions

  • Google Calendar: Color code by energy or task type
  • Smart speaker alarms (Alexa, Google): Auditory cues
  • Forest App: Focus while growing a virtual tree

Sensory & Emotional Regulation

  • Noise-canceling headphones
  • Aromatherapy (yes, lavender works)
  • Weighted lap pads or blankets
  • Fidget cubes or textured stickers

The best tool? The one you’ll actually use. Consistently.

Digital vs. Analog Tools for ADHD

There’s often debate about whether digital or analog tools work better for ADHD brains. The truth is, it depends on your specific needs and tendencies.

Digital tools excel at:

  • Sending reminders and notifications
  • Synchronizing across devices
  • Creating recurring tasks automatically
  • Providing dopamine-triggering animations/sounds

Analog tools excel at:

  • Creating visual presence in your environment
  • Engaging tactile senses that help with memory
  • Reducing screen-based distractions
  • Allowing creative customization

Many of my clients find that a hybrid approach works best — digital for scheduling and reminders, analog for daily visibility and task management.

  1. What to Do When It All Falls Apart

Spoiler: it’s not if — it’s when.

You oversleep. The day derails. Your planner is MIA. You’re eating chips at 2pm in yesterday’s hoodie.

Here’s what I tell clients (and myself):

“Your routine isn’t broken. You just fell off the bike. Grab the handlebars.”

Try this:

The ADHD Reset Ritual:

  1. Pause. Take 3 deep breaths.
  2. Acknowledge: “Okay, it’s been a weird day.”
  3. Anchor: Pick one action from your morning/evening routine.
  4. Text or voice note someone: “I’m resetting.”
  5. Move: Change rooms. Stretch. Shift state.

That’s it. No shame. No spreadsheets. Just reset and roll.

The Science of Self-Compassion in ADHD Management

Research shows that self-criticism actually decreases motivation and willpower, while self-compassion increases resilience and the ability to bounce back from setbacks.

This is especially important for ADHD brains because:

  • We experience more frequent setbacks due to executive function challenges
  • We’re often harder on ourselves due to lifetime messaging about “trying harder”
  • Negative emotions further impair executive function, creating a downward spiral

Learning to respond to routine disruptions with compassion isn’t just being nice to yourself — it’s a practical strategy that improves your ability to get back on track.

  1. What Success Actually Looks Like

Not perfection. Not 100-day streaks.

Success with ADHD routines looks like:

  • Waking up without panic
  • Remembering your meds 5 out of 7 days
  • Getting back on track faster
  • Having fewer “lost” days
  • Feeling proud — not punished — by your systems

I don’t want you to be more “productive.”

I want you to feel more connected, capable, and calm.

Measuring Progress: The Non-Linear Path

Traditional productivity metrics often don’t capture the real progress ADHD individuals make when implementing supportive routines.

More meaningful metrics might include:

  • Reduction in stress levels
  • Improved relationship quality
  • Better sleep patterns
  • Decreased frequency of overwhelm
  • More consistent self-care
  • Fewer items falling through the cracks
  • Increased sense of agency

One client tracks her progress not by checking off tasks, but by counting “good brain days” — days when she feels in sync with herself rather than fighting against her brain. That’s a powerful reframe.

  1. FAQs: ADHD Routines, Answered

What time should I wake up with ADHD? Whenever supports your energy, schedule, and rhythm. Consistency > early. Pick a wake time you can maintain 80% of the time.

How do I keep a routine from getting boring? Change the environment. Use novelty: new playlists, scents, routines based on weather or mood. Keep the structure, vary the flavor.

What if I fail for a whole week? You didn’t fail — the routine broke. So what? We rebuild. ADHD routines are like Legos: made to be rebuilt when needed.

Should I tell others about my routine needs? Yes! Letting supportive people know about your routine goals creates accountability and understanding. It’s not “special treatment” — it’s setting yourself up for success.

How do I handle unexpected interruptions? Plan for flexibility with “buffer blocks” in your schedule. Have a mini-reset ritual ready. Remember that adaptation is part of the process, not a deviation from it.

Do I need medication for routines to work? Not necessarily. While medication helps many people with executive function, routines can be built with or without it. If you do take medication, design your routine to work with your medication timing.

What if I have different energy levels each day? Create a “tiered” system with Plan A (high energy), Plan B (medium energy), and Plan C (low energy) versions of your routine. Having these pre-planned options prevents decision paralysis.

  1. Ready to Build Yours? Let’s Talk.

If you’ve tried — and failed — to make routines stick, you’re not broken.

You just haven’t had one designed for your brain. That’s what I do.

I help adults, parents, students, and professionals with ADHD build supportive, flexible, shame-free routines that actually work — because they’re built around who you are.

How ADHD Coaching Makes the Difference

Working with an ADHD coach provides several advantages over trying to build routines alone:

  1. Personalized strategies based on your specific ADHD presentation
  2. Accountability that’s tailored to your motivation style
  3. Troubleshooting in real-time when challenges arise
  4. Perspective from someone who understands ADHD neurologically
  5. Validation that reduces shame and increases confidence

My clients describe coaching as having a “translator” between neurotypical productivity advice and their ADHD reality. We bridge that gap together with systems that actually make sense for your brain.

  • Let’s build yours.
  • Book a free consult here — and start building a daily rhythm that holds you, not pressures you.
The difference between therapy and psychotherapy
By admin 0 Comments Blog

The difference between therapy and psychotherapy

Therapy vs. Psychotherapy

It is very common to wonder if psychotherapy and therapy are the same thing. Although similar, they are not identical. Therapy refers to different methods used to help improve a person’s overall well-being. It might involve addressing physical ailments or challenges, regaining abilities—such as occupational therapy for someone recovering from a stroke—or working through life difficulties, like counseling a student who is trying to manage stress in college.

Psychotherapy, however, is conducted by a trained professional or a professional in training, often licensed or in the process of becoming licensed. Psychotherapists provide assessment, diagnosis, and treatment for mental health disorders. They also help individuals navigate life stressors, overcome obstacles, and work on self-improvement. However, their specialized clinical training allows them to address symptoms in a deeper way, exploring their potential causes rather than just focusing on adjustments.

While therapy focuses more on making improvements for the current situation, psychotherapy takes a more complex and clinical approach to mental health.

What Is Therapy?

Therapy is a broad term that refers to different types of treatments designed to help people improve their overall well-being. It is not limited to mental health—therapy can be used for physical recovery, improving daily functioning, or even learning new ways to cope with life’s challenges. For example, physical therapy helps people regain movement after an injury, occupational therapy assists individuals in relearning skills after a stroke, and speech therapy helps those who have difficulty communicating.

When people talk about therapy in the context of mental health, they are usually referring to counseling or other therapeutic interventions that help individuals navigate emotional difficulties, manage stress, or make positive life changes. Therapy in this sense is often solution-focused, meaning it helps people find ways to improve their current situation, whether that’s coping with anxiety, handling relationship struggles, or adjusting to a big life transition.

Mental health therapy can take many different forms depending on the needs of the individual. Some therapy sessions focus on building coping skills, while others might involve guided self-reflection or strategies to improve communication and relationships. Unlike psychotherapy, which often involves deeper exploration of past experiences and underlying psychological patterns, therapy tends to be more focused on the present and on practical steps a person can take to improve their daily life.

Each person has unique needs and different goals for therapy. Some wish to uncover the deeper meaning of their struggles, change aspects of their personality, gain insight about their past and its impact on them, and make lasting life changes. However, others may believe in leaving the past in the past. That is perfectly appropriate. It fits other needs such as improving functioning in the now, reducing struggles, and practicing skills that promote well-being. Psychotherapy and therapy each focus on achieving different goals. That’s why it’s important to know what each can offer in order to choose the right approach for you.

What Is Psychotherapy?

Psychotherapy can feel intimidating at first—the idea of sitting with a stranger and sharing personal thoughts and emotions might seem overwhelming. But in reality, psychotherapy is one of the most supportive, non-judgmental, and compassionate spaces you can step into. It is a place where you can lay down your burdens, be heard and understood, and receive empathy and care. Unlike general therapy, psychotherapy is conducted by a trained professional—either licensed or in the process of becoming licensed—who provides assessment, diagnosis, and treatment for mental health conditions.

Psychotherapy helps individuals explore and understand the root causes of their struggles—whether those stem from past experiences, deep-seated emotional patterns, or unconscious influences. It is a process of gaining insight, uncovering the “why” behind thoughts, feelings, and behaviors, and working toward meaningful change. Therapy, on the other hand, is often more focused on managing the present. It helps individuals develop coping strategies, adjust to life stressors, and improve day-to-day functioning without necessarily diving into the deeper origins of their struggles. While therapy provides the tools to navigate challenges, psychotherapy goes further by addressing the underlying factors that shape a person’s experiences and emotional responses.

Key Differences Between Therapy and Psychotherapy

To better understand how therapy and psychotherapy differ, here are some key distinctions:

Aspect

Therapy

Psychotherapy

Focus

Present-focused, managing current life challenges

Explores deeper emotional patterns and root causes of struggles

Approach

Solution-oriented, provides coping strategies

Insight-driven, helps uncover and work through underlying issues

Depth of Work

Addresses surface-level concerns and practical issues

Dives into emotions, past experiences, and unconscious influences

Who Provides It?

Therapists (counselors, social workers, etc.)

Psychotherapists (licensed or in-training mental health professionals, psychologists, Marriage and Family therapists, Clinical Social Workers, Psychodynamic Therapists, Psychoanalysts)

Duration

Often short-term

Can be short or long-term, depending on complexity of issues

For example, a person struggling with intrusive thoughts may seek therapy to learn coping strategies, practice mindfulness, or use Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) techniques to manage their distress. Therapy will focus on helping the person function better in the present moment by challenging negative thoughts and building resilience.

In psychotherapy, however, the focus would go deeper. The psychotherapist would help the client explore the underlying meaning of the intrusive thoughts, uncover potential internal conflicts, and trace their origins. The goal would be to understand the root cause of these thoughts, identify their connection to past experiences or unresolved emotions, and work through them. By doing so, psychotherapy can bring deeper healing, reducing not only the intrusive thoughts themselves but also the emotional weight attached to them.

Who Should Seek Therapy vs. Psychotherapy?

While both therapy and psychotherapy can be beneficial, some people might find one more suitable for their needs than the other.

You might consider therapy if you:

  • Need support adjusting to a major life change (e.g., a breakup, job loss, or move).
  • Want to improve relationships or communication skills.
  • Are experiencing stress, mild anxiety, or situational depression.
  • Need strategies to manage day-to-day challenges.

You might consider psychotherapy if you:

  • Struggle with ongoing mental health concerns, such as anxiety, depression, or trauma.
  • Want to understand and break free from deeply rooted emotional patterns.
  • Have experienced significant past trauma that continues to affect your life.
  • Are looking for long-term personal growth and emotional healing.

A psychotherapist can offer both therapy and psychotherapy. However, a therapist cannot offer psychotherapy as it requires additional training, clinical practice, and skills.

Common Misconceptions About Therapy and Psychotherapy

  1. Therapy and psychotherapy are different names for the same thing.
    Therapy focuses on self-improvement, making changes, and adjusting to situations, while psychotherapy is more in-depth, identifying interconnected patterns that influence a person’s emotional and behavioral responses.
  2. Only people with serious mental health issues need psychotherapy.
    Although psychotherapy can be used to treat mental illness, it is also beneficial for anyone seeking deeper self-awareness, emotional growth, and long-term change.
  3. Therapy is just talking—there’s no real treatment.
    Both therapy and psychotherapy use evidence-based practices, including cognitive-behavioral techniques, trauma-informed approaches, and psychodynamic methods, all of which have been scientifically proven to help individuals improve their mental health.

Conclusion

Whether you’re looking for support with day-to-day challenges or deeper emotional healing, both therapy and psychotherapy offer valuable tools for growth. If you’re uncertain which approach is best for you, speaking with a licensed professional can help you determine the right fit for your unique needs. No matter which option you choose, taking the step toward self-improvement is a sign of strength.

ADHD Coach Near Me
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ADHD Coach Near Me: Finding Your Superpower with Rooz Khoshniyat at Heal and Thrive

ADHD Coach Near Me

“Our brains are like a Ferrari. We go from zero to 60, and we don’t have the brakes necessary for a Ferrari. We have bicycle brake pads. We can’t stop.”

Hey there, it’s Rooz Khoshniyat from Heal and Thrive Psychotherapy and Coaching. If you’re searching for an “ADHD coach near me” in Lake Forest or Orange County, I hope my story resonates with you and shows you there’s a path forward—no matter how challenging things might seem right now.

My ADHD Journey: From Corporate Burnout to Becoming Your ADHD Coach Near Me

I was diagnosed with ADHD as a teenager, but like many of us, I spent years trying to fit into a world that wasn’t designed for the way my brain works. I pushed through college (somehow managing to earn two MBAs!), entered the corporate world, and spent 17 years trying to make it work. On paper, I was successful—but inside, I was drowning.

Every job had an expiration date. I’d sweep my struggles under the rug, procrastinate on important tasks, then work overnight and weekends to clean up my messes. While others were focused during work hours, I’d find myself distracted, only to panic later about missed deadlines.

By 2016, things reached a breaking point. After losing my mom to cancer and experiencing mounting pressure at work, I fell apart. The negative self-talk became overwhelming:

“I’m a fraud.” “I don’t deserve success.” “I can’t do anything right.”

These thoughts eventually led me to a very dark place—one where I questioned whether life was worth continuing.

The Turning Point: Finding My Path as an ADHD Coach

During my recovery, I discovered what was missing from traditional ADHD treatment. I had tried therapy, medication, and psychiatric care—all important pieces—but something crucial was still missing: someone who truly understood ADHD from the inside out and could coach me through daily challenges.

Meeting David Giwerc from ADDCA (ADD Coach Academy) changed everything. He helped me see that my struggles weren’t a sign of personal failure but of a mismatch between my brain’s wiring and the environments I was placing myself in.

With the support of my wife, Dr. Mahsa (an amazing therapist), I decided to transform my challenges into my calling. In 2019, I left the corporate world behind and became an ADHD coach.

My personal mission statement became clear: “I am here to redeem myself by helping others so they don’t have to suffer and feel lost how I was during my whole life.”

What Makes ADHD Coaching Different from Therapy or Medication?

ADHD isn’t just about attention—it’s about interest regulation. We ADHDers don’t have a lack of attention; we have a lack of consistent interest and challenges with our executive functions.

Think about it—have you ever hyperfocused on something you love for hours, completely losing track of time? Then struggled to focus for even five minutes on something that doesn’t engage you?

That’s the ADHD paradox. And it’s why traditional approaches often fall short.

Therapy helps with emotional processing and past traumas (the “healing” part of our name), while medication can help manage symptoms. But coaching? Coaching is about the “thriving” part—building systems, strategies, and skills that work WITH your brain instead of against it.

As one client, Rose W., put it: “When I started working with Rooz, I was looking for practical tools to handle my newly diagnosed ADHD and the major life changes I was undergoing. Rooz offered exactly that—no-nonsense coaching with a friendly, safe, and direct approach.”

How ADHD Coaching Actually Works

My approach has helped hundreds of clients transform their relationship with ADHD:

Step 1: Active Listening and Support

I create a safe, judgment-free zone where you can express your thoughts without fear. This isn’t just nice—it’s essential because so many ADHDers have internalized shame after years of being misunderstood.

Step 2: Uncovering Hidden Potentials

Those same traits that cause challenges—creativity, unique connections, energy and passion—can become our greatest strengths. I help clients identify these hidden gems and leverage them.

Step 3: Overcoming Obstacles and Building Strategies

Together, we identify specific obstacles holding you back and develop tailored strategies. These aren’t one-size-fits-all solutions—what works for one ADHDer might be disastrous for another.

Real ADHD Coaching Success Stories

From Academic Struggling to Straight A’s

Tyler S., a student who was getting mostly D’s and C’s before coaching, shares: “With Rooz’s help, my grades went from largely Ds and Cs to straight As. But there were perks to working with Rooz outside of the classroom as well. He possesses a special talent for establishing rapport with parents and children, which he uses to keep everyone informed.”

Finding Focus in Professional Life

Eric G. found that understanding his ADHD tendencies transformed his work experience: “The biggest breakthrough for me was recognizing my ADHD tendencies, which I previously thought were just quirks. Rooz helped me see that these were symptoms, making me more aware of when I’m in those modes and how to manage them better.”

Rebuilding Family Dynamics

Jarom A., a single dad struggling to balance work and home life, shares: “Rooz introduced simple yet impactful changes, like a laundry service, which significantly eased my psychological load. This small adjustment freed up my time and mental space, allowing me to enjoy my weekends rather than dread them.”

Common ADHD Myths I Want to Bust Right Now

Myth 1: “ADHD is just an excuse for laziness.”

The truth is, ADHDers often work HARDER than others, just in less visible ways. We’re constantly fighting against our brain’s natural tendencies, which is exhausting.

Myth 2: “If you can focus on video games/art/music, you don’t really have ADHD.”

This misunderstanding stems from not knowing about interest-based nervous systems. ADHDers can hyperfocus on things that provide immediate reward or engagement.

Myth 3: “You just need to try harder and be more disciplined.”

If willpower alone could fix ADHD, don’t you think we would have solved it by now? This myth increases shame and decreases self-esteem, making symptoms worse.

Myth 4: “ADHD is a childhood disorder that you outgrow.”

ADHD is a neurodevelopmental condition that typically lasts throughout life. That’s why finding an ADHD coach near me became so vital to my own recovery journey – and why it might be crucial for yours too.

What to Expect When Working With Me as Your ADHD Coach Near Me

Here’s what you can expect:

  1. Initial Discovery Session: We start with a 90-minute deep dive into your history, challenges, and goals.
  2. Regular Coaching Sessions: Typically weekly for 45-60 minutes to work through challenges, celebrate wins, and build strategies.
  3. Accountability Check-ins: Brief 15-minute calls between sessions for support during challenging tasks.
  4. Resource Sharing: Tools, articles, and exercises tailored to your specific needs.

But beyond the structure, what makes our work together different from just googling “ADHD coach near me” and picking someone random is that I truly get it. I’ve been where you are. I’ve found a way forward—not by “fixing” my ADHD, but by embracing it and building a life that works WITH it rather than against it.

As Inez T. shared: “Rooz’s approach, combining persistence and empathy, empowered me to challenge self-sabotaging thoughts and pivot my mindset positively. His guidance affected all aspects of my life and work.”

Practical ADHD Tools You Can Try Today

While personalized coaching is the most effective approach, here are strategies you can start implementing right away:

  1. The Two-Minute Rule

If a task will take less than two minutes, do it immediately rather than adding it to your to-do list. This prevents small tasks from piling up.

  1. Body Doubling

Work alongside someone else (in person or virtually) to help maintain focus. The presence of another person can provide external accountability.

  1. The Pause Technique

When feeling overwhelmed or about to act impulsively, pause and take three deep breaths. This creates space between stimulus and response.

  1. External Memory Tools

Don’t rely on your brain to remember important information. Use external systems like digital calendars, smartphone reminders, or visible notes.

  1. Movement Breaks

Incorporate regular movement throughout your day. Even five minutes of walking, stretching, or dancing can reset your focus and help regulate your energy. This is exactly the kind of practical strategy that an effective ADHD coach near me can help you discover and implement.

When Is It Time to Search for an ADHD Coach Near Me?

Consider reaching out if:

  • You’ve tried various self-help strategies but struggle to maintain them
  • Your ADHD symptoms are affecting your relationships, career, or self-esteem
  • You find yourself constantly putting out fires rather than building sustainable systems
  • You’re tired of the cycle of motivation-burnout-shame that comes with unmanaged ADHD
  • You want to not just manage your ADHD, but actually leverage its strengths

Finding Your ADHD Superpower

I firmly believe that ADHD, when properly understood and managed, can be a superpower. The very traits that cause us challenges—our creativity, energy, passion, and unique thinking—can become our greatest strengths.

Think about it like X-Men’s Cyclops, who had to learn to control his laser vision with special glasses. Once he mastered it, his “disability” became his greatest asset.

My own superpower? Compassion and problem-solving. I can quickly connect with people and understand their challenges, then help them find solutions. What’s your ADHD superpower? Let’s find out together.

Ready to Transform Your Relationship with ADHD?

If you’ve read this far, something is resonating with you. Maybe you see yourself in my story, or perhaps you’re just tired of struggling alone with ADHD challenges.

You don’t have to face this journey alone. With the right support, ADHD doesn’t have to be an obstacle—it can be the catalyst for a uniquely fulfilling life.

As my client Adrian A. shared: “Choosing Heal and Thrive was a turning point for me. It wasn’t just about finding the right educational path; it was about reshaping my entire life’s trajectory.”

When you’re looking for an ADHD coach near me in the Lake Forest or Orange County area, remember that the right connection makes all the difference. My personal journey with ADHD means I understand your challenges from the inside out.

Contact Information:

Ready to begin your journey with an ADHD coach near me who truly understands what you’re going through? Here’s how to reach us:

  • Phone: (714) 459-2214
  • Location: 22994 El Toro Rd, Suite 120, Lake Forest, CA 92630
  • Website: Heal and Thrive Psychotherapy and Coaching

Note: I offer virtual coaching sessions for clients throughout the World, so you don’t need to be local to work with me.