When Psychotherapy Feels Hard: Is It Still Working?
Let me start with something real: therapy isn’t always supposed to feel good.
I know that might sound strange. You’re spending time, money, and emotional energy on something that’s supposed to help you feel better. So when you leave a session feeling drained, confused, or even worse than when you walked in, it’s natural to wonder if something’s wrong.
Maybe you’ve been sitting in traffic on the 405 after your appointment, replaying the session in your head. Or maybe you’re curled up on your couch in Orange County, wondering if you should even go back next week.
Here’s what I want you to know: you’re not alone. This is one of the most common questions people in therapy ask themselves. And the answer isn’t as simple as “yes” or “no.”
At Heal and thrive psychotherapy and coaching, we hear this question all the time from clients across Los Angeles and Orange County. So let’s talk about it, really talk about it.
Why Therapy Sometimes Feels Like Running Uphill
Think about the last time you started working out after a long break. Your muscles ached. You were tired. You probably questioned why you were even doing it.
Therapy can feel the same way.
When you start digging into painful memories, old patterns, or difficult emotions, your brain and body respond. It’s uncomfortable. Sometimes it’s exhausting. And that discomfort doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong.
Here’s what’s actually happening:
You’re facing things you’ve avoided. Many of us spend years pushing down feelings or ignoring painful experiences. Therapy asks you to look at them. That takes courage, and it can feel heavy.
You’re building new skills. Learning to regulate your emotions, set boundaries, or communicate differently takes practice. Like any new skill, it feels awkward before it feels natural.
You’re rewiring your brain. This isn’t just a metaphor. Therapy literally changes neural pathways. Your brain is working hard, even when you can’t see the results yet.
The Difference Between “Hard” and “Not Working”
Here’s the tricky part: sometimes therapy is hard because it’s working. And sometimes it’s hard because something isn’t clicking.
So how do you tell the difference?
Signs That “Hard” Means Progress
You’re feeling things more deeply. If you used to feel numb and now you’re crying in sessions, that’s not a setback. That’s you reconnecting with your emotions. We actually wrote about this in our post on psychotherapy for emotional resilience, feeling more can be a sign of healing.
You’re noticing patterns. Maybe you’re starting to see how your childhood shows up in your relationships. Or how your anxiety spikes in certain situations. This awareness can feel uncomfortable, but it’s the foundation for change.
You’re having “aha” moments between sessions. The work isn’t just happening in your therapist’s office. If you’re thinking about your sessions, making connections, or trying new things in your daily life, therapy is doing its job.
You feel safe with your therapist, even when the content is hard. This is huge. Research consistently shows that the relationship between you and your therapist is one of the biggest predictors of success. If you trust your therapist and feel understood, even the hard sessions are building something important.
You’re showing up anyway. The fact that you keep coming back, even when it’s tough? That’s growth in action.
Signs That Something Might Not Be Working
Now let’s talk about the other side. Because sometimes “hard” is your gut telling you something is off.
You don’t feel heard. Your therapist should be focused on you, your goals, your pace, your needs. If sessions feel like they’re about their agenda instead of yours, that’s a problem.
The approach feels rigid. Good therapy is tailored to you. If your therapist is applying the same techniques without considering your unique situation, it might not be the right fit.
You feel worse over time, not just after hard sessions. There’s a difference between temporary discomfort after a tough session and a steady decline in how you’re doing overall. If you’re consistently feeling worse with no periods of relief or insight, it’s worth exploring why.
Your concerns are dismissed. If you’ve brought up feeling stuck or confused and your therapist brushes it off, that’s a red flag. A good therapist welcomes these conversations.
You dread sessions in a way that feels different. Some anxiety before therapy is normal. But if you’re avoiding sessions because you feel judged, misunderstood, or unsafe, trust that feeling.
Therapeutic Plateaus Are Real (And Normal)
Here’s something that might give you some relief: plateaus are a normal part of therapy.
You might have weeks or even months where nothing seems to be happening. You’re showing up, you’re doing the work, but you don’t feel like you’re moving forward.
This doesn’t mean therapy has stopped working.
Think of it like climbing a mountain. Sometimes you’re actively ascending. Other times, you’re on a flat stretch, catching your breath and letting your body adjust to the altitude.
These plateau periods are often when integration happens. Your brain is processing what you’ve learned. You’re consolidating new patterns. And often, a breakthrough is right around the corner.
At Heal and thrive psychotherapy and coaching, we’ve seen this pattern over and over with our clients in Los Angeles and Orange County. The people who stick with therapy through the plateaus often experience the most profound growth.
For more on what this journey looks like, check out our post on the stages of psychotherapy.
The Power of Talking About It
Here’s something that can feel scary but is incredibly important: tell your therapist how you’re feeling about therapy.
I know. It might feel awkward to say, “Hey, I’m not sure this is working” to the person you’re paying to help you. But this conversation is actually part of the work.
A good therapist will:
- Welcome your feedback without getting defensive
- Explore what’s making therapy feel hard
- Adjust their approach if needed
- Help you understand what you’re experiencing
This kind of honest conversation can actually deepen your therapeutic relationship. It shows you’re invested. And it gives your therapist valuable information about how to support you better.
If your therapist reacts poorly to this feedback: gets defensive, dismisses your concerns, or makes you feel bad for bringing it up: that tells you something important too.
When It Might Be Time for a Change
Sometimes, despite everyone’s best efforts, a therapeutic relationship isn’t the right fit. And that’s okay.
Therapy is deeply personal. The therapist who’s perfect for your friend might not be right for you. It doesn’t mean you failed. It doesn’t mean therapy doesn’t work. It just means you need a different match.
Here are some signs it might be time to consider a change:
- You’ve given it a fair shot (usually at least 6-8 sessions) and things aren’t improving
- You’ve communicated your concerns and nothing has changed
- You consistently feel misunderstood or judged
- The therapeutic approach doesn’t resonate with you
- Your gut is telling you something is off
If you’re in this situation, you have options. You can:
- Ask your current therapist for a referral
- Seek a second opinion from another mental health professional
- Try a different therapeutic approach
- Look for a therapist who specializes in what you’re working on
Finding Support in Los Angeles and Orange County
If you’re searching for therapy in Southern California, you have a lot of options. That can feel overwhelming, but it’s actually a good thing. It means you can find someone who’s truly right for you.
At Heal and thrive psychotherapy and coaching, we work with clients across Los Angeles and Orange County who are navigating exactly what you’re going through. We understand that therapy is an investment: of your time, your money, and your emotional energy. We take that seriously.
Our approach is built on the belief that the therapeutic relationship matters most. We focus on creating a space where you feel safe, seen, and supported: even when the work is hard.
We also know that life in SoCal comes with its own unique stressors. The traffic. The cost of living. The pressure to have it all together in a culture that values image. We get it. And we bring that understanding into our work with you.
Whether you’re dealing with chronic stress, working on long-term healing, or just trying to figure out if therapy is right for you, we’re here.
What to Remember When Therapy Feels Hard
Let me leave you with a few things to hold onto:
Feeling uncomfortable doesn’t mean you’re failing. Growth often happens at the edge of your comfort zone. If therapy always felt easy, it probably wouldn’t change much.
You are the expert on your own experience. If something feels off, trust yourself. You know when you’re being challenged in a good way versus when something isn’t right.
Progress isn’t always linear. You’ll have good weeks and hard weeks. Breakthroughs and setbacks. That’s normal. That’s human.
The relationship matters. More than any technique or approach, feeling safe and understood with your therapist is what makes therapy work. Protect that relationship: and advocate for yourself within it.
You deserve support that actually helps. Don’t settle for therapy that isn’t serving you. You deserve to heal and thrive.
Ready to Talk About What You’re Experiencing?
If you’re in Los Angeles or Orange County and you’re questioning whether therapy is working, I want you to know: that question itself shows how invested you are in your own growth.
At Heal and Thrive Psychotherapy and Coaching, we’d love to support you on this journey. Whether you’re looking for a new therapist, want a second opinion, or just need a space to process what you’re going through, we’re here.
Reach out to us to schedule a consultation. Let’s figure out together what healing looks like for you.
Because you don’t have to navigate this alone. And you don’t have to wonder in silence whether what you’re doing is working.
Let’s talk about it.