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Who is couples therapy suitable for?

You know, when couples first come to me asking about couples therapy, there’s often a pause in their eyes, like they’re weighing whether it’s a sign of failure or just… something they should do. And honestly? I get it. I’ve seen so many couples assume therapy is only for relationships teetering on the edge, but the truth is… (wait, no, scratch that) it’s not just for crisis moments.

Couples therapy can be incredibly helpful for anyone who wants to communicate better, feel closer, or just not keep having the same fights over and over. Maybe you’ve caught yourself thinking, “Is couples therapy right for us?” or asking, “Who actually needs couples therapy?”, those are the right questions. And trust me, figuring out when to go to couples therapy isn’t about shame; it’s about taking a proactive step toward a healthier, stronger relationship.

I’ve had couples come in from all over California (yes, even traffic-filled LA commutes included), and whether they’re dealing with minor communication hiccups or bigger challenges like trust issues or infidelity, recognizing the need early makes a world of difference.

Identifying problems and the need for couples therapy

One thing I often notice with couples is that they don’t realize they might benefit from marriage counseling until things get really tense. And honestly, by that point, it’s harder, but not impossible, to make real progress. So, let’s pause for a moment and ask the question: “Who needs couples therapy?”

Here are some situations I see over and over:

• Communication breakdowns: One partner feels unheard, the other feels nagged. You think you’re just talking, but somehow you keep circling the same argument.
• Recurring fights. The same argument about money, household chores, or child rearing keeps coming back. One or both partners think, “Haven’t we talked about this alrady? Sigh.”
• Emotional distance. Feeling alone together, or loneliness even if youre together.
• Trust or fidelity issues. Gaps in intimacy are covered by secrets, lies, or betrayals.
•  Life transitions. New jobs, moving, kids, retirement, major adjustments in life and relationships.
• Mental health or substance issues. Two issues in particular: depression, and anxiety or substance use which go together as a pair and are unaddressed may cause severe stress in the relationship.

Of course, there are situations where it may not be appropriate where there are domestic violence, one partner refusing to participate, or there are untreated severe mental illness to consider first.But if you’re nodding along to any of the points above, or even wondering “Is couples therapy right for us?”, that’s already a signal that exploring therapy could help.

It’s really about being proactive, catching the small issues before they turn into long-term patterns (Jacobson & Addis, 1993; Doss et al., 2004). And trust me, recognizing the need early often makes therapy far more effective.

Real Client Examples

Let me tell you about a couple I’ll call Sarah and Mike (names changed for privacy). They came to me feeling completely stuck. Their fights were almost ritualistic, money, chores, parenting, you name it. Sarah felt unheard, while Mike felt criticized constantly. And honestly, at first, they both rolled their eyes at the idea of couples therapy, thinking, “Does this really work for us?”

In the first few sessions, I had them practice active listening. Mike had to repeat what Sarah said without adding his own commentary, and vice versa. (Yes, they laughed awkwardly the first few times, because it feels weird at first.) Slowly, the small shifts added up. Sarah noticed that Mike actually heard her, and Mike realized he didn’t have to react defensively every time. By month three, they reported fewer arguments, more laughter, and even little spontaneous acts of kindness, like making coffee for the other without being asked.

Another couple, Alex and Jordan, were dealing with infidelity. One of the partners was having an affair which caused a lot of tension. In therapy, they were able to speak about the affair and its consequences, create a framework to re negotiate the terms of the relationship, and determine if they were to start a new relationship or end it. This was a difficult situation. There were strong feelings, angry and sad, and they both were worried, at times, they would just give up. But sticking with the program helped them figure out what they really wanted instead of just reacting to the situation. Each of these stories showed that couple therapy is not only an option for those in crisis. Couples who want to strengthen communication, resolve repeated conflict, or strengthen connection with each other, these stories showed that couples therapy is not just for people in crisis. Couples who want to strengthen communication, resolve repeated conflict, or strengthen their connection with each other, also receive insights and tools that are very useful and tend to last.

Practical Therapy Solutions

Let’s be frank, it may be a bit overwhelming to think of all the techniques that are at the therapists disposal, but really it only takes small, simple, consistent efforts to start a new direction or change’.

1. Active Listening (Really Listening!)

   • One partner speaks, the other listens, no interruptions, no judgment.
   • Reflect back what you heard: “So what I hear you saying is…”
   • Funny thing, many couples roll their eyes at first. But a few weeks in, they tell me, “Wow, I feel like I’m actually being heard for the first time in months.”

2. Weekly check-ins

1. • Pick a consistent day and time. Even 20–30 minutes works.
   • Share both positives and frustrations from the week.
   • These check-ins prevent small annoyances from escalating into full-blown arguments.

2. Structured Problem-Solving

   • Identify the problem → brainstorm solutions → agree on one action → review results.
   • The key is to collaborate, not blame. I often catch couples slipping into old patterns and we pause to refocus.

3. Trust-Building After Betrayal

   • Transparency is non-negotiable: sharing of schedules, social interactions, or simply being open with one’s feelings.
   • Step-by-step rebuilding. Small wins count more than grand gestures.

4. Behavioral Experiments

   • Try a new communication habit suggested in therapy.
   • Track what works and what doesn’t. Tiny consistent efforts create change over time.

5. Mindfulness and Emotional Regulation

   • Even a few minutes of breathing or reflection can stop reactions from escalating.
   • Couples learn to pause before responding during heated discussions.

6. Using Tools and Resources

   • Apps, worksheets, or books can reinforce what you practice in sessions.
   • Think of it as “homework”, but the kind that actually improves your relationship.

I’ve seen couples hesitant at first, thinking, “Will this really help?” And then, after a month or two, small changes compound, less arguing, more laughing, and a feeling of connection they didn’t realize was missing.

Implementation Stories

I remember a couple I’ll call Lena and David. When they first came to me, every conversation felt like walking through a minefield. A simple question about the weekend would escalate into hours of tension. They had heard of couples therapy for communication issues, but the real question was, could it work for them?

We started small. I suggested weekly check-ins and active listening exercises. At first, Lena said, “I don’t know if this will work… I’ve tried telling him how I feel a hundred times.” And David muttered, “Yeah, right. Let’s see if it changes anything.”

The first week was awkward. Very awkward. They forgot to listen, stuttered, and laughed nervously. But, by week three, things changed. David actually paused and thought about what Lena said before answering. ‘I feel heard, and not attacked,’ David explained. By the second month, the weekly check-ins had turned from a therapy requirement to a safe space for reconnection, where they could even report minor wins like finishing the conversation without yelling, calming down, and yelling, and yelling, and yelling, and yelling, and yelling, and yelling, and yelling, and yelling, and yelling, and yelling, and yelling, and yelling, and yelling. Then there was, Nina and Sam, who had been battling trust issues stemming from a financial dispute. They put in place a system of structured problem solving in which they outlined the problem, brainstormed possible solutions, and committed to taking one action step each week. It felt like homework, they said. But, they began to notice the arguments they once had that felt endless became manageable. They celebrated with small wins like coming to a financial agreement without a fight. All of these stories show just how essential it is to utilize a good system, and put in the effort to be consistent. Even with imperfect attempts, they create a domino effect, compounding to create real, lasting change.

Challenges and Fixes in Couples Therapy

Here’s the truth: even the most motivated couples run into obstacles in couples therapy. And that’s okay, therapy isn’t a magic wand. It’s a practice.

Take one common issue: one partner is resistant. I remember a couple, let’s call them Emma and John. Emma wanted to come every week, John… well, he thought therapy was “a waste of time.” At first, progress was slow. So we started with short individual check-ins. Slowly, John saw that therapy wasn’t about blame, it was about being heard. Small wins, not pressure, made all the difference.

Recurring communication breakdowns are another trap. Couples often tell me, “We’ve tried talking, but nothing changes.” That’s normal.

With structured exercises like mirroring and weekly reflections, partners report a jump in productivity and a drop in misunderstandings. In the In the case of trust issues after infidelity, I tell couples, “This is not about rushing forgiveness. It’s about understanding and rebuilding in baby steps.” We set clear transparency, boundary, and check-in agreements. Negative feeling-free expression is a win in and of itself. Other challenges include cultural or religious differences, high-conflict personalities, logistical barriers, and social stigma. Each of these is approached differently. For example, teletherapy can be used to improve scheduling and accessibility, and culturally informed therapy can be used to close the gap on differences in belief. Therapy is not about perfection. Therapy is about persistence and patience, and learning to work through obstacles together. These builds over time, and the improvements, including less arguing, more laughter, and a stronger connection, become what Harway, 2004; Cross, 2013; and Doss et al., 2004, describe as real change.

Success Metrics in couples therapy

Measuring success in couples therapy isn’t about perfection, it’s about progress. I often tell couples, “If you can notice even small shifts, that’s huge.” Here’s what I usually look for with my clients:

1. Better Communication

Fewer misunderstandings. Yes, arguments still happen but they are shorter, calmer, and far more productive. One partner told me, “It’s like we finally speak the same language.”

2. Increased Emotional Safety. Partners express feelings, hopes, and frustrations without worry. Loving gestures like sending a text simply to say “I appreciate you” before waiting for a special occasion.
3. Closing the Emotional Loop. Closing the Emotional Loop. Topics that adopted a fight flare pattern are now handled without heated flare ups. Couples negotiate instead of repeating old patterns.
4. Restored or Strengthened Trust. Restored or Strengthened Trust. Increased transparency, decreased secrets. After infidelity, broken trust, and those horrible combinations, small steps towards honesty become significant progress.
5. Impact of Practical Behavioral Changes. Positive Impact of Practiced Behavioral Changes of Practical Value. Skills learned in therapy, like active listening or structured problem solving, are implemented. Progress isn’t always linear, but persistence matters.
6. Improved Overall Relationship Satisfaction. Increased Relationship Satisfaction. Couples are happier together, more connected, and feel supported. There’s less daily tension and more joy.
7. Couples handle future challenges better. They manage future challenges more smoothly. Long-Term Resilience. Resilience for the Long Term. They know how to navigate conflict and maintain connection while using therapy tools independently.

Remember, success doesn’t have to be dramatic. I’ve seen couples who still argue occasionally but feel closer, laugh more, and appreciate each other in ways they never did before. That’s real transformation (Jacobson & Addis, 1993; Doss et al., 2004; Gurman, 2011).

The fact is, you don’t need any kind of intimidation or profound breakthrough either. I have witnessed couples grow more appreciative of one another and also laugh and enjoy life more together, all the while still engaged in the same quarrels we are all used to. That is the kind of change we are looking for (Jacobson & Addis, 1993; Doss et al., 2004; Gurman, 2011). To identify who requires couples therapy or to ask the questions, “Is couples therapy the right option for us?” is the simplest stage. The real change begins when you take action.

• Schedule your first session with one of our available licensed therapists and take the first step towards greater connection.
• Receive instant access to a free guide we created to help you identify the signs that may mean couples therapy is a good option for you.
• Use readily available information, tools and guides that are aimed at helping you improve the quality of your relationship. Seeking help is a true demonstration of bravery, not weakness in anyway. The first step is the hardest but also the most rewarding. Let’s be honest, a lot more arguments and a whole lot more joy and connection with one another can be obtained. More couples are able to see the greatness in their relationships if they’re willing to do the work. Let’s get started. Your better and more fulfilling relationship is waiting for you.

If any part of this article resonated with you, maybe you saw yourself in Sarah and Mike, or felt the tension like Lena and David, you don’t have to wait for a crisis. You can start small. You can reach out.

At Heal-Thrive.com, we have therapists who serve clients of all sorts and couples in all regions of California and even other states. We serve as facilitators for all sorts of communication difficulties and disputes including trust issues, arguments and life changes. You have the opportunity to:

• Schedule your first session with one of our available licensed therapists and take the first step towards greater connection.
• Receive instant access to a free guide we created to help you identify the signs that may mean couples therapy is a good option for you.
• Use readily available information, tools and guides that are aimed at helping you improve the quality of your relationship.

Seeking help is a true demonstration of bravery, not weakness in anyway. The first step is the hardest but also the most rewarding. Let’s be honest, a lot more arguments and a whole lot more joy and connection with one another can be obtained. More couples are able to see the greatness in their relationships if they’re willing to do the work. Let’s get started. Your better and more fulfilling relationship is waiting for you.